How many Christmases?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
How many Christmases?
6
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 1:35am

How many Christmases have you been through with AP? Has it gotten easier or harder to be apart during the holidays?


This is my fourth with AP, and I guess I'm just resigned. This year I have to say I'm more engaged in all the festivities than during the past three years, which is good considering I have kids. They're past the Santa stage, but I still wrap presents and put them under the tree for them to find on Christmas morning.


H and I... well, we're hot and cold. Or rather, lukewarm and cold. I don't know how many more years we'll be married. Truthfully it's all about maintaining my lifestyle and finances right now, especially with uncertain economic times. I think if we won the lottery we would both suggest we get divorced. It's not that we hate each other or anything. We're a great team as far as parenting and making a nice life for our children. We look like a happy couple. We just can't communicate effectively with each other and our interests are so different. Sex isn't good either.


Anyway, got off topic.


I know AP is spending his holiday with all his kids and grandkids who came into town. He'll be ready for some peace once they all leave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 1:55am

Hi. This is my first Christmas with Ap...we started 5 days NC today because of the holidays and time at home, yada yada yada. I'm hating it...but he made me smile when he asked me how "we" would survive 5 days...so at least his feelings are intune with mine about this.


I just know I cannot wait til Christmas is over and Monday is here. I miss him soooo much. We are used to seeing one another 2x/wk but because of kids out of school, plus, AP's W works for another school district near out hometown~~she has been off work all week, too.


He was kind of teasing me when he said "wow and a week is bad, what happens when everyone is on summer break?"


I do not even want to start to look that far ahead.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 9:01am
this is our second, last year i didn't care about spending christmas with him because we were only an EA at that time..it didn't matter..we had spent damned near everyday together then...and talking and texting..and he called me on xmas and we talked for hours..he's a trip..he does what he wants i tell ya....we exchanged gifts early last year..well i didn't expect a gift..he gave me money..which was good..i suppose i'm getting that again this year....and then we spent new years day together last year..which was cool....i think we spend like everyday after christmas day together too but, new years eve....i can't remember..anyhow..it's our second..i'll be fine..we'll spend a very small amount of time together today to exchange gifts, then i should see him on the 26th and maybe throughout the weekend if his time allows...i'm sure he'll make all or one of those days happen...we haven't had the PA part of our relationship in about a month, but the EA part has existed...we've still been seeing each other..he's been asking me about the PA part...not that i don't want to..i do..it just hasn't happened...my son is always around and he and my son are very close....so

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 9:53am
13 years but the first 3 don't count because we were just friends and coworkers. I guess I could I could say it is harder now because of how close we are now compared to past years but we are more understanding of how we each spend the holidays with our families as we both have our family traditions. We do make the time to be together to celebrate privately like last night and last week after the office party with only employees in attendance-no spouses. That was changed this year so I didn't have to see and talk to his wife or he my husband which is a good thing:) What upsets me the most is knowing what gifts he gives his wife. They are always expensive and things that I would like to have but he has the money to spend on her so he does to keep her happy. I am sad to not be able to spend the day with him but I know I will either talk to him or get a text on Christmas day and we still have today as we both are working.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 11:10am
awww don't be sad of the gifts he gives her...when he asks you what you want what do you say? i say, it doesn't matter surprise me or give me what you want to give me...that makes it something from the heart...when someone just does something to make you happy, that's no good..get me...they are just doing it so that you don't make their life hell and to shut u up....lol...maybe your gifts are more thoughtful than superficial

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 11:58am

this is the second christmas for us. The first christmas was difficult on both on us because we had only been in the A for 6 months and therefore our trust and feelings were not as grounded as they are now. This time im fine with it, we had our own special christmas last week, we spent a day and night together and it

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Sat, 12-27-2008 - 11:10pm

This is our third Christmas together. This year has been FAR easier than the last two. We were supposed to see each other next week but he had to cancel. Previously, I would have been devastated and angst ridden about it. Now, I'm like ...:whatever". These things happen. Life doesn't always work out in your favor. I hope that he has a nice time visiting his family. I wish there was a way for us to make time to see one another but there isn't.

I miss him terribly. He makes my feel so good. I will hold out for sometime next month to see him hopefully(LDA).

As I settle in and know that he loves me I become more secure in our relationship and I also have less fears. I know that I treat him well and if he can find someone to treat him better, he can have at it. He has always had the upper hand in the relationship but not anymore. With time comes confidence and a certain peace, if you will.

Now I'm rambling. There is my answer!