How many of you think....
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How many of you think....
| Mon, 09-22-2003 - 10:34pm |
That someday you'll be with OM/or/MM ?
I'm so curious... I know that for me and My MM , it will be atleast 15 yrs before we are together...til both of our sets of kids are grown... I wish we could be together now, but I think in all reality it will be better for us to wait until our children are grown.
How do all of you feel about this? Do you think you will be together someday? Or...is that not a possiibilty for you. Do you know that you'll stay in your marriage and he in his? Please share...
~Wishing~

I like to think that even the impossible is possible... I mean we can all dream... but in reality... I don't go down that road. I take my EMA for what it is... an affair... and assume that while say 10 years down the track we may still be 'together' we will never be TOGETHER.
This way I feel that to some extent I won't be let down by my expectations... and I can enjoy what we do have together.
As for my marriage... I don't know where that will go either... at this stage I've no intentions of walking away... but 1 or 5 years down the track I may feel differently there too.
but that's just me...
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
~Wishing~
I guess this is also addressed to others who are M with kids. Many of you say that you and/or your MM will not leave your M until the kids are grown. (There are some of you that have said you still love your H and the EMA fulfills other aspects of your life, so I can somewhat understand why you stay, so I guess this is moreso directed to those of you that are not happy with your H).
First, please don't misunderstand the tone of this posting, I just need some insight into the reality of my situation. (MM says he is staying M because of the kids).
I was M w/ kids but was so miserable with H. The realization of just how miserable I was occurred during my last pregnancy. (no A's on either side). I didn't file for D because I was pregnant at the time, and because I was afraid of how it would affect the kids. When I was driving home, I would quickly go through my mind trying to see if there was one more errand I had to run to prolong my time away from H. I realized that I was spending less time at home (and with the kids)in an effort to avoid H. When I was home, the tension was thick and the kids picked up on it. We did not fight in front of the kids but we also did not show any affection - we were roommates. The final straw was when the kids were 4, 6 and 10. We were taking the kids out on a day trip and H was driving. He was talking about who knows what because I had become a master at tuning him out, and I was looking out the window. I felt this overwhelming sense of lonliness. Here I was married, someone who was supposed to be my "partner" for life, my other half, and I had never felt so lonely in my life. I turned and looked at him just jabbering away, completely oblivious to the fact I was not listening to him, I looked at the kids and none of them were listening to him either, they were looking out the window too. Over the course of the next few weeks, I carefully watched them and they had begun to mirror our ambivilance. H and I were very affectionate to the kids and they had no doubt of our love for them, but this passionless "environment" was what they would base their future relationships on, and I wanted more for them. I could not "exist" like this anymore, I wanted to live my life not for just myself but for my kids sake too. I went through many of the difficulties all of you think about (finances, property division, visitation, etc.) but in the end, it was worth it for my sanity's sake and for the kids.
Yes there are difficulties, challenges, but we are much more satisfied with the quality of life. Neither parent has to miss out on watching the kids grow - as long as the two of you are mature enough to separate the issues related to you as a couple and the issues related to you as parents. If the kids see that their parents can get along at their activites or in their presence in general, it makes the transition easier.
Just because kids have both their parents under the same roof doesn't make it ideal for the kids. My parents stayed married for the "kids sake" and it negatively affected my perception of what a relationship should have been. In fact, as a teen, I made sure that my day was filled with activities so that I did not go home until the last possible moment because I didn't want to be in the house with "them" - sound familiar???
I agree with you totally, just because kids have their parents in the same house doesn't mean it's the best thing for them. However , in our situation- I do love my H and we have a great relationship. We are missing that spark, the interesting aspect, and good sex that we used to have. But I know that since there is no fighting,abuse,or anything going on in our home that it would be selfish of me to take my kids away from a father that is devoted to them.... I hope that makes sense. I am not unhappy in my marriage and I never dreamt I'd be having a EMA, however when my old boyfriend and I found one another , things just picked up where we had left them, like 15+ years had not passed by. I hope this makes sense, I'm in a rush to get kids to school !
Have a great day~ Wishing~