How to move on from this sad situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
How to move on from this sad situation?
1
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 2:22am
I wish I could stop thinking about him. We met over a year ago, both of us were trying to get out of bad long-time relationship. We had a strong connection and alot of passion for each other. He moved into his own place and for a little while things were moving along fine. We had both come out of very turbulent relationships and with each other felt alot of peace. We remarked all the time on how well we got along together and how fantastic the sex was. He asked me to move in with him, but I never did because shortly after that he started pulling back...saying he was confused and maybe going back with her. They have a 5 year old child together and i know guilt about not being around for his child weighed heavily on him. So, rather than wait for him to dump me, I broke it off and he agreed, saying that he wasn't in a state to be getting in a relationship and didn't want to hurt me. For one month I didn't see or talk to him, but I missed him terribly. Then, one day he called and asked if he could see me...and things started back up again between us. He told me he had never managed to completely break it off with her and this time he was going to do it. And, then suddenly he pulled away again and I started hearing from him less and less. It seemed like there was some big issue he was needing to tell me but never managed to. The attraction between us was still so strong but at the same time he seemed out of reach. I left for one month and had no contact with him. When I returned we started up again, but some time later he gave me the big news that she was pregnant. It had happened after I broke it off, during the month we were apart. He had not known right away, which is why he started up again with me, and when he found out he didn't have the guts to tell me so he just pulled away. Now, he wanted to keep seeing me, but admitted that he was not going to leave her. So, it was up to me to decide if we would continue. I know it was wrong, but I did keep seeing him. He was over at my place all the time, and would sleep there sometimes, and as always, we enjoyed each other's company very much. But, I didn't like being the "hidden lover." Finally, I reached my limit after he moved back in with her. So, I broke it off. I explained how deep my feelings for him were and how difficult the situation was for me. He was very understanding and said he would not call me anymore, and I agreed. That was a month ago. At first, I felt such relief...like a weight had been taken off. It surprised me, I thought I would be much sadder. But, for the last week or so, I have been missing him so much....and find myself thinking about him all the time...and wondering if he misses me or thinks about me. And, then yesterday he called me. I was happy to get a call from him, and then almost insulted when I found out why he called. He wanted to know if i'd be interested in selling my car to him. I was so irritated but didn't show it. We were both very nice to each other, and made pleasant small talk and that was it. His baby is due anytime now, may have even been born, but I didn't ask. I felt I was doing so well and moving on, but that one little phone call threw me backwards and now I'm feeling so down and missing him and, it hurts thinking that maybe he's not feeling that way and has so easily moved on. I don't know what I'm hoping for anyways, because the situation is impossible. All I know is that I WISH we could've been together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 1:42pm

Time for you to "mosey" on down to the EAS board. Lurk and just read if you like. You're not alone in your feelings and they have people there that are going through the same experience as you.

From just reading your post, I feel that you got played by this player. Men will tell you all kinds of sob stories to get in your pants. They have no qualms in playing with your emotions if they think they can get laid. Don't be a victim to his manipulations anymore. Give yourself space from this addiction, grieve if you must. Good for you for realizing that this A with this guy is not going nowhere and you'll be the one who will always end up hurt if you continue.

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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
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