How much pain am I in for?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
How much pain am I in for?
21
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 1:42pm

I've posted here before and I've been back and forth on this issue.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2008
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 8:38am

DON'T START ANYTHING

you want to hear about pain, I'll tell you about pain. I have been having an A with a former neighbor for 2 and a half years. In the beginning it was flirting, fun excitement. His W and I were friends, I went to church with them, I watched their daughter just to get closer to him.
But then the pain. I watched him lie to his wife. His W ceased being my friend. I had mini D-days with my H when he got suspicious...but did I stop the A, NO. I tried to kill myself TWICE over the A. If you have ever been in a locked ward of a hospital trust me it is not fun....but I continued. My H and I moved from the neighborhood but we could not sell the house because of the depressed real estate market in our area. This almost bankrupted us but did I stop the A, NO.
Your A is an addiction. You get high from the contact. The IC is incredible because it is wrong. We always desire what we can't have.
I am still trying to stop the A.
AP got another job and we will not be able to see each other.
I know real D-Day will happen someday. It always does. I don't want to see the hurt on my H's face.
Yes I need to cure my addiction and stop the A.
So the best advice I can give you is STOP before you start anything

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 9:10am

Barbie,


Wow. Hats off to you for sharing your story in such a true and raw fashion. If I was the OP, I would seriously reconsider what I was considering.


I hope you get your situation straightened out with as little pain as possible to all involved.


Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 11:28am

So, you really want to know how much pain you're in for??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 1:19pm
"How much pain am I in for?" A lot ! Emotional Affairs are the real affairs of the heart! The more you try to run away,more deeper you fall,i promise.Just physical affairs are a lot easier-- do the deed and off you go back home.But with EA's home,work ,vacation,overseas--wherever you go,you are not alone- you take AP with you!!
The sexual tension can be killing too! Watch out before you dive in.But i guess,you are already emotionally attached.
All the best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 4:44pm

I am emotionally attached.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 6:28pm

You are in for a lot of pain if you act on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2009
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 6:49pm
Go stab yourself in the
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 9:11pm

Found this post on EAS a few months ago . . .

Here is the trap of the affair:

You are coasting along in your life, maybe not entirely unhappily and maybe each day is different only in shades of gray and then you meet this person and you WAKE THE FK UP; color pours into your world and everything tastes better; every love song ever written is about YOU and this person; you cannot wait to wake up in the morning; you cannot wait to hear the things that will come out of this person’s mouth; there is no mundane, there is no taken for granted, there is no just-getting-through-life.

But you don’t really know if this is because this person is your soul mate or if it is because you are involved in a highly intoxicating situation that has a tenuous relationship to reality. Everything is felt to the 12th degree because your time together is compacted down to a dime. So every moment has to count! You don’t pay the bills together; and you don’t see the person every day for years on end in every varying state of his or her life so you don’t get that boredom lull.

When you eventually end it, and you will have to unless you are truly one of the lucky ones who can f* their best friend, lover, soul mate, other half and go home and not want one iota more of this person than you are getting (and kudos to you if you fit this profile..I almost wish I had this ability myself), you will feel grief of the most gutting, visceral pain you have ever known. You cannot acknowledge that there is now a hole inside of you because you are not supposed to be getting your fill elsewhere in the first place.

No contact is usually attempted so you cannot talk to the one person who makes you feel better about everything; you cannot put a band-aid on the wound which really needs f'ing hospitalization but you spray it with Bactine and hope for the best. You keep picking at it and picking at it until it bleeds again but then you realize that only when you leave it alone— truly well and alone — will it heal and fade. But you can’t because it is there. So you pick again. You convince yourself that without this person in your life, you will never feel that alive again; that electrically charged; that AWAKE. You mourn the loss of what you think was a better you; a more exciting, vibrant you; a you that was firing on all cylinders. You go back to dead you and guess what? dead you is soul-suckingly boring. Don’t you deserve to feel alive? Dammit don’t you deserve a little f'ing happiness in this den of misery we operate in? What is so wrong with having something that makes your soul sing? Must you really give up every shred of happiness to fall into society’s role of the perfect man or woman?

But guess what? This will never bring you happiness because you cannot live on half measures and you cannot live in between the cracks. The push and pull will kill you. Up/down, back and forth. I need him, I want him, I love him, he is not mine, get over it, forget him, move on, numb, cope, survive, deal, steel yourself to get through WITHOUT HIM.

But knowing what you have to do and truly believing this is the course of action you wish to pursue? Worlds apart…your heart isn’t in it. You don’t want to live without this person. You don’t want to settle.

Welcome to purgatory. Trying to find a way out may kill you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 8:16am

This is phenomenal description of an affair by the CL on the EAS board:


"A good definition of an A is that it is

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
Wed, 07-29-2009 - 7:51pm
That was really thought provoking - very chilling.

Pages