How Often do You Talk to AP....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
How Often do You Talk to AP....
15
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 10:45am

Not via text/email/IM, but either on the phone or in person?


This is a huge problem for AP and I.

anotherseyes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 11:46am

We rarely actually "talk."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 1:32pm

We talk a lot because if we dont,we dont feel connected.Its both for me and AP.We dont sms or any other techie stuff but do talk on phone.We both have kind of a need to talk. My M basically reached its this state because of lack of communication among us and AP says he never wanted to talk to his W which led to many other problems.So I guess,we both understand the 'lack of communication' and its result.
If less communication works for you,why worry?If it doesnt,then making a little effort wont hurt.

For us,I believe,little communication( for us,communication means real talk) wont work.I cant keep my feelings for AP closed in my heart.I want him to know how I feel and same for him and its not 'he knows how I feel',its more of feeling real.Daily little chats during the day ,keeps us connected and makes it real.

Another, if you are not happy with the less communication ,frustration will creep in.I seriously dont understand how your A goes-- seeing one another once every month or so with little to no real talk.I see my AP every day.I HAVE to see him.I have it bad for him.He says the same!

I do understand when you say about arguments etc.Its basically your frustration to not able to see and talk.Its seems more like a long distance here and there friendliness.

I will never feel connected like this.If my AP wasnt making any effort to see me ,I wouldnt be continuing with him.I want to see his face,feel his touch,smell him,hold his hand,feel the realness of it all,read the non verbal cues,see his smile,mood,everything.I feel lucky that my AP feels the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 1:41pm

It's not easy at times, but we make it work because neither of us can envision a life without the other in it.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Sat, 07-17-2010 - 10:05pm
We haven't talked in almost a month. We text/email 3-4 times a week. We only talk in person - no phone calls. I'm out of town for work so we haven't seen each other in over a month. I won't see him again for another 2 months so we will have gone 3 months with out talking in person. Ahhh!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 1:50am
He calls or texts pretty much every day (M-F). We see each other every week or 2nd week. But No Contact since he flew OS last Tuesday. Hmmph
You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 4:05am

how do u go 3 months w/o a real conversation. why do u persist with such a thing? why is that o.k. for u and he?


i am just trying to wrap my mind around this scenario and how u 2 came to this sort of an agreement. i understand that each A has a life of its own, but how do u staty confident and not worry that he isn't making time for you b/c of another?

when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 8:38am

We only 'talk' in person when we meet and very occassionally on the phone. Neither one of us is a big phone person socially so it seems false speaking to him that way. I miss the non verbal cues more when we speak by phone than I do by email!

I miss being with him because I love just being in his presence but I don't feel like we haven't 'talked' on the days we only email. I actually feel like I've 'spoken' to him almost every day and I think that's because we have such a rythym to our email communication and a very very powerful connection through banter and laughter. I know him so well that I can 'hear' him saying the stuff he's written and his laugh when we are having fun or 'see' his face and his mannerisms when I say something TOTALLY outrageous. I guess its because we have done this for so long it's actually very comfortable now and I would really miss the way we email if somewhow it got lost.

I do know what you mean about stuff getting lost in translation when it comes to DMCs (deep and meaningful conversations). We have had some absolutely spectacular arguments because of this! We do now limit that stuff to real life and then only if it happens as a natural part of the conversation. We never plan 'talks' now. We found it just didn't work for either of us and ultimately our R is much calmer. He is also more comfortable when it does happen because he feels safer and is therefore more open to me emotionally so we both get what we need (so far LOL)

I guess its about finding a balance and that means accepting some of the stuff is just how it is.

Oh and as for the stuff in your other post about him not loving you ....LMAO ....as my mother would say ..... POPPYCOCK! Lol (meaning total rubbish!) The bloke chooses you over sleep! LOL :-)

Bird

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 10:07am
we talk probably like 5-6 days a week even if it's for only 10 minutes at a time, text about 25-100 times a day, sometimes it gets insane but that's how we stay in touch....that IS when we're talking and on good terms with one another-i am the one who does the NC/shutout and i really should stop that......my cuzzo always says "what the he!! do you have to talk about that much with him" i always say "EVERYTHING"

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 10:49am

If I had gotton to see my AP like once in a blue moon,I would honestly forget how he looks like !

It seems it works for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 7:27pm

I honestly don't ever think we talked about how it became what it has. It works for us. We see each other on work events twice a week when we're hosting them, but other than that we don't see each other. I won't see him in those 3 months either. I'm out of town for 7 weeks for work. I come home in 2 weeks. I won't see him until our work events start.

We've crossed the physical line, but it was right before I left for my out of town trip & I can't say it will happen again. AP and I have become very close friends. The only reason I still refer to him as AP is because if H picked up my phone and read the conversations he would have a holy crap fit. What we are doing is cheating, we both know it. Will we get physical again once I get back. I'm unsure. Not am I unsure if we will, but I'm unsure if I even want to get physical with him.

I'm not quite sure what i want out of AP and he isn't sure what he is looking for. We have formed a great friendship, he comes to me for advice and I do the same to him. We are both in long term relationships with our SO's - 10 years at the least. It is ok for us because it works for us. We were looking for some fun, adventure. Both of us have no intentions of leaving our home lives because in reality they aren't extremely horrible. In fact it's pretty much the opposite. H and I don't always get along intimately but we are working on in tremendously.

I know AP's schedule and he knows mine. I know the days he won't be at work and will be with his SO, and I also know the days he will be at work and I will talk to him. He emails me with in 30 minutes of being at work each day. I sometimes get a quick email when he is with his SO, but I also know not to reply back with a text on those days. We've gotten into a routine that works for us. We enjoy how things are and aren't necessarily looking to change things. I know it may seem weird but it works. As for staying confident in what he is doing else where. I could careless. Sure, I care about AP, but I'm not madly in love with him have to have him. If he emails me I text back. Sometimes I'll send him an email, but not usually. I would say our A is more of a close friendship with a lot of sexual talk that goes along with it. It works, we're happy.

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