How Pathetic Am I!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
How Pathetic Am I!
5
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 6:12pm
Ok so I was on here several weeks back and told my story. Wife found out about us then proceded to call me and I told her everything. My xAP or whatever he is was mad at me for betraying him but forgot the fact that he had lied to me all along too. Well anyhow the last time I talked to the wife was last week and had
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 7:10pm

I think he's lying.

Since you have talked to the wife and told her all what does this man have left to tell you? That she is petrified of you - how crazy does that sound?

I think this is him just trying to play both sides.

If I were you I would go no contact - take back your power, get off the rollercoaster!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 7:59pm
Oh, confused..BTDT....AP's wife called me about a year ago after he had moved out of my house and went back to her and of course, as I suspected, he didn't tell her everything and when I tried to tell her the truth, she just kept accusing me of being a liar and I was the one chasing him and wouldn't leave him alone, blah, blah, blah....I was just lying about the other women he'd been with and he was just lying when he told me he loved me...so, when I received 12 ID unavailable calls Saturday, I just knew it had to be her....I know it was a woman because I had a voicemail where she started to clear her throat and was getting ready to say something, then didn't. I didn't answer the calls because one, it's not my place to explain anything to her....he needs to grow some balls and be honest with her and quit telling me one thing and her another and two, all she does is accuse me of lying anyway. I don't need to include another person in all this drama. Sounds like your AP is a fence sitter too, huh? Well, now for the FIFTH time in all this drama, he's confused again and doesn't know what he wants, although he moved back in with her....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 8:23pm

Hi Gabby,


There won't be no third, fourth, or fifth with me.. I know that for sure. But something inside me tells me that I need to let this rest and see what comes out of it. If he's meant to be with me then he will come back and if not then we both go our separate ways. I'm not

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 9:08pm
Well, if he comes back, just be careful. AP was the one who came back to me after 3 months of NC and I, giving him the benefit of the doubt, had thought maybe he really got his head straightened out, but I was wrong again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 9:40pm

I think he is lying to you as well. I realize that just because it happened to me this way, doesn't mean it happened to you this way, but most will agree that it is not unusual for the AP to "throw you under the bus" once the spouse finds out. That is what happened to me. During my last conversation with my AP, who for 2.5 years told me he loved me and that he wished he were with me, not his spouse, told me that he was concerned I would hurt his wife/kids, that he was recording the conversation so I should be careful not to say anything I would regret, and many other hurtful things. Now, I know that he couldn't possibly believe the things the things he said, as he knows me and that I am not capable of what he accused me of. He was simply saying the things he said to his wife as a way of convincing her of who knows what to protect himself.

So, again, yes I think he is lying to you. And, you need to protect yourself. Trust your gut! You know truth and you need to be more confident in that knowledge so that you stop hurting yourself.

Good luck! I know it is so very hard sometimes to take care of ourselves, but if you don't do it, no one will.

And, for the record, you are not pathetic, you are just in pain right now.