how patient is patient enough?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
how patient is patient enough?
4
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 9:18pm

Ok..let me first start off by saying I know I have not been patient enough yet. And I know I am being a big, fat baby.

AP of 4 years started marriage counseling last Monday...I knew things were bad but not that bad! Things just exploded apparently and he had enough. AP has been well...as good as he can be with me. Honest and informative about it all week. BUt his emotions as expected are all over the place. Things at home were worse than HE thought! And some hurtful things have been said. He explained that things were so bad that all he really wants is 6 or maybe a 7 on the scale of marriages. Just to be able to get along and raise the kids. Says he doesn't care about the sex so much just wants peace. He assures me that things with "us" are fine and we will be fine...that things are not going to change. I'm having a tough time buying that. He just asks that I be patient. You have NO IDEA how hard that is for me.

I took advice from you all and am trying to remain calm, did not push him on explaining the "what about us" he sort of did that himself. They have 2 more appts. scheduled next week he said he needs to get through...then after that, welll.... he didn't say. How do I get through this? I hate feeling like a needy 2 year old lol! How patient would you all be if you were me? ie when can I start bugging him for sex? LOL (you know what I mean..) what do I need to do here?

Jokes aside, I really do care about him, do not want this to end AT ALL, I want to be a support and a good friend but at the same time it's killing me to wonder if things will ever be the same, tiptoeing around the topic ugh...i'm aggressive and it's hard to change that but I also know that pushing will make me lose him :( .

Expectations?

Fire at will... :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 10:05pm

I'm fairly new to all of this, but let me say I've read EVERY book on the subject :) (My AP and I broke up for about 3 months..I was reeling and trying to make sense of the situation.) Anyway...read your other post, too, so I remembered.


Sounds like

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 12:33pm
Kimber,
was the 3 month break-up your idea? Or his? OR did you just sit back and let it fade while he did his thing? Also, who initiated getting back together? Trying to figure out what is healthy for me. I can't control him and his life but I can control me. We've been through so much drama, always seems like it's something (him mostly). I'm not sure I'm strong enough for this one. Feeling low and unsure today. He went out if town with brother and father to play golf all weekend. Said goodbye yesterday, a sort of weekend sign off, so I won't hear from him. And he won't suprise me with a call or text. Just not him. Nervous about next week and being strong enough to give him his space to sort things out. With school out in 18 days I go into full time Mom mode. Not impossible to get together but needs mire planning and forethought on his part. Hard to do when you are distracted. I had planned on just soaking up as much time with him as possible this month.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 3:29pm

Chechi, I know how hard this is for you. It is what it is...


My 3-month break-up w/ AP was somewhat

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 5:37pm

Thanks Kimber.

Oh I can be a drama queen no doubt, and he has stuck with me...but this time the situation feels so big, so painful...I scared I'm gonna lose him if I am...so many things can happen...what if he just wakes up and asks himself "what the hell am I doing?" or what if he just decides to shut down.....(squirrels)

I want to believe him, he said he needs me...but only time will tell. It just feels awkward.