how to reject? multiple AP's? help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2009
how to reject? multiple AP's? help!
13
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 9:51pm

Ok, so I first want to apologize for my rambling. A bit of a back story. I posted about a month ago about how I had 3 potential AP's and I didnt know which one to go forward with. They all had positives and negatives. I am pretty inexperienced sexually, but the general consensus on here was to try them all and pick the best one in bed since they all met my emotional needs. I didnt go jump into bed with 3 guys... just 2. :) They are totally different scenarios.

One is able to meet often(like every week) for an hour or so. He gives me emotional support and is decent in bed. Way better than H. He cannot talk on the phone, but can IM during the week days.

The other guy lives on the other side of town, and has kids (so do I) so getting together is much harder. About 1 time a month. He is amazing in bed, but a little more experimental than I prefer, but nonetheless, amazing. HE can talk on the phone all the time, and text all day. Also IMs at night.

Both guys think I am their only AP, and I dont like lying to them. Also, I do not like having more than one AP. I feel like it is even MORE wrong. How do I pick one, when they are soooo different? Anything to look for? Any advice from someone who had to make a decision?

Ok, here is my other question... So Today I finally met up with the 3rd guy. I felt like I needed to, for myself since we had been talking so much, and had chemistry when we met up for coffee and stuff. I thought maybe he would be the perfect combination. I was soooo wrong. It was horrible. I wouldnt want to be with him, no matter what. Nice guy, but not good in b. Sooo, how do I let him know I dont want to see him anymore without ruining his self esteem? I feel horrible, but IT was horrible...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 10:20pm
....


Edited 10/8/2009 8:14 pm ET by goblinqueen79
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 10:31pm

Hi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 6:30am

>Both guys think I am their only AP, and I dont like lying to them. Also, I do not like having more than one AP. I feel like it is even MORE wrong.<


Now that would make a great topic for a separate thread.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 7:17am

I'm with Becoming. Having 1 AP or 3 (as I do) - it's all cheating, it's what we're choosing whether it's 1 or 2 or whatever.

My APs don't know about each other, and my H doesn't know about them (duh). This is my secret life and it's how I like it. Just for me.

As for the question about her #3 and ending things with him, if the AP is a player, just backing off usually gets the message across. If he persists then go to the next level -- if he's married the best 'out' is you think your H found out. Or, you think you may have an STD.

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 8:46am

Hi,
I often wondered about you as I was in the same situation...choosing between 2 guys from AM. I don't have advice as I'm not sure the 'right' thing but I will share my experience..
I rejected one guy, he was great in bed, but I felt no connection what so ever...he was so different in person than online. I just told him the truth...that there was no sparks...but assured him that sex was 'great' :)

Now before AM, I met a guy on Craigslist, we met for coffee but didn't click. He's the one that told me about AM and his affair experience and tips. We stayed in touch via email and I asked him about having 2 APs...His answer...no need to let the APs know. The guy probably has mult. as well. His advice...Once you step over the line...think for yourself..do what makes you happy...just becareful.

So...I'm still searching for my 'one' but am open to try mult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2009
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 11:47pm

The reason I feel badly about having more than one partner is because I dont like sleeping with multiple people at once. (H and I rarely do)

So... Today the first guy im'd me about getting a place. He wants to rent a studio for us... Now that is convenient. He seems very into me, and that is flattering. He says its just for us... He is very explicit about wanting things to just be us. No other people for either of us. That he is clean and I am clean, and we want it to stay that way...

Also today, the second guy was soooo sweet. We have been talking more and more on the phone. And although I have seen him in person way less, I feel a nice connection with him.

So what do I do? Get a place with one guy, and still see another? Break it off with one? if so, which one? ugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 2:42am

"if he's married the best 'out' is you think your H found out. Or, you think you may have an STD. "


This has to be the worst advice on this thread. I hope I never run into you in real life. How disgusting to tell someone you might have an STD

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 7:01am

>My APs don't know about each other, and my H doesn't know about them (duh). This is my secret life and it's how I like it. Just for me.<


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 12:19pm

I can relate to this thread! I have 2 AP's. Both fairly long term (2 years and 3 years).

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 4:21pm

My 2 AP are way different like that, too. Keeps things interesting :). I have a #3 who travels on business and sees me every 6 weeks or so. Much older and quieter but very generous.

BTW I still have regular s*x with my DH. It's a regular thing and if I tried to change it, that would be a huge red flag to him. I don't mind at all. Sure it's boring but comfortable in it's own way. KWIM?

-jana

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