How to say[ good bye forever] and I mean Forever

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2013
How to say[ good bye forever] and I mean Forever
21
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 4:48am

Please read fully.  How do you say good bye to somebody you are [NEVER GOING TO SEE AGAIN] and have not spoken to for almost a year and have not had communications from in months,I am leaving the country I live in and the chances of us ever seeing each other again are 99-1 against and with my age who knows,so I call this a life good bye. There was a few months of flirting [but nothing phyical] [the story is in other posts].  I have thought about her almost every day[I know its sad] and have respected her enough to not contact her,BUT I would like to say good bye,so I am thinking of sending flowers after I am gone so there is no worries from her,but  with  something so she will know they are from me, [without my name since I am married and we have a lot of the same friends who know my wife] or just picking up the phone and calling her at work one day since I don't have her cell anymore,but I need closure and to say good bye.I figure at this point there is nothing to lose and she will either be happy to hear from me or mad, but I will have tried.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2014
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 5:59am
Firstly I think it is wonderful that a man could feel this way about a women. Someone who has clearly been in your thoughts a lot. I understand that and I know how hard it must have been not to get in touch over the last year, I am dreadful at that so, hats off to you. Flowers or something that she can keep would be nice. Even a small charm so that she can tuck it away in a jewellery box if she wants too. The thought will be something she treasures even if she only feels half the same as you do. Best of luck, I adore romance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2014
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 5:59am
Firstly I think it is wonderful that a man could feel this way about a women. Someone who has clearly been in your thoughts a lot. I understand that and I know how hard it must have been not to get in touch over the last year, I am dreadful at that so, hats off to you. Flowers or something that she can keep would be nice. Even a small charm so that she can tuck it away in a jewellery box if she wants too. The thought will be something she treasures even if she only feels half the same as you do. Best of luck, I adore romance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2014
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 5:59am
Firstly I think it is wonderful that a man could feel this way about a women. Someone who has clearly been in your thoughts a lot. I understand that and I know how hard it must have been not to get in touch over the last year, I am dreadful at that so, hats off to you. Flowers or something that she can keep would be nice. Even a small charm so that she can tuck it away in a jewellery box if she wants too. The thought will be something she treasures even if she only feels half the same as you do. Best of luck, I adore romance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2014
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 5:59am
Firstly I think it is wonderful that a man could feel this way about a women. Someone who has clearly been in your thoughts a lot. I understand that and I know how hard it must have been not to get in touch over the last year, I am dreadful at that so, hats off to you. Flowers or something that she can keep would be nice. Even a small charm so that she can tuck it away in a jewellery box if she wants too. The thought will be something she treasures even if she only feels half the same as you do. Best of luck, I adore romance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2014
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 6:00am
Firstly I think it is wonderful that a man could feel this way about a women. Someone who has clearly been in your thoughts a lot. I understand that and I know how hard it must have been not to get in touch over the last year, I am dreadful at that so, hats off to you. Flowers or something that she can keep would be nice. Even a small charm so that she can tuck it away in a jewellery box if she wants too. The thought will be something she treasures even if she only feels half the same as you do. Best of luck, I adore romance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2014
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 6:00am
Firstly I think it is wonderful that a man could feel this way about a women. Someone who has clearly been in your thoughts a lot. I understand that and I know how hard it must have been not to get in touch over the last year, I am dreadful at that so, hats off to you. Flowers or something that she can keep would be nice. Even a small charm so that she can tuck it away in a jewellery box if she wants too. The thought will be something she treasures even if she only feels half the same as you do. Best of luck, I adore romance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 10:21am

I think you can get closure by determining in your own mind that it is over--you should not send her anything because obviously if there has been no communication in months she does not care to hear from you now.  Maybe you could go to a special place in nature and think about her and make a gesture by yourself, like throw some stones into the ocean or leave some flowers on a mountain or something.  I think calling her at work where she will be busy and probably not want to talk to you will not make you feel better.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 10:40am

I agree with Music lover!  "Closure" is a state of mind, a psychobabble word that means NOTHING.  You (and she) had "closure" the last time you saw each other or communicated with each other.  It's been a year, and it's more than likely that SHE has moved on with her life, and you aren't a part of it.  She doesn't need anything from you that will open new wounds, or re-open old ones.  The other poster commended you on such a "deep love".......but you need to understand that you have a wife, and your love, feelings and emotions need to be concentrated on HER, not someone from your past.  Leave the woman alone, and work on yourself.  If you had an affair because you're in a bad marriage, then work on that.......fix it or end it.  The past needs to stay there, in the past!  Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, and today is a gift......that's why it's called "the present".  Put the past away, and take care of NOW. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2013
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 12:52pm

Thanks for the replies even if I don't agree with the last two [fissatore] I pretty much knew what you were going to say ,but its a public forum. We see life a little diifferent and like I said this is not a move around the block its to a different country/continent never to return so if I bother ger for a few minutes or I send her something maybe sometime in the distant future she will look back and smile and know I really cared.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 1:14pm

This is NOT about closure, it's about trying to find a reason to push yourself into her life again.  After not contacting you in almost a year, she has CLEARLY indicated that she does NOT want to hear from you.  And your statement that you want to contact her EVEN IF IT WOULD MAKE HER MAD, indicates that you are not only intrusive, but stalkerish.  Continuing to think about her daily is also compulsive. 

You need to get on with your life, and LEAVE HER ALONE.  If you cannot do that without professional help, then get it.

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