How should I bring this up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
How should I bring this up?
8
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 1:33am

Hi, All!


I just realized that I posted last as Andalinka (my old screen name) so I apologize for any confusion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 8:29am
My natural instinct is to go with the flow and not talk about stuff too much



OMG that is SO me! LOL!



It's probably an impossible wish to find out what's going on without putting yourself out there. Actually, asking exactly what you posted - "Hey, so what the hell is going on between us?" - is probably the very thing to write if you really want to know. But there's the hitch. You have to be willing to live with what you find out.



~Fingers crossed~ that what you learn is what you want to know!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 9:45pm

I so feel your pain janejosie :)


I also want to have a version of "the talk" and also SCARED out of my mind to hear what he has to say...like you said, is it more in my mind than what he's thinking? We've danced all around it as well...there's so much "implied" and I often want some verification that my interpretation is correct. UGH!


I think we have to remember that **most** (I won't say all) men move slower emotionally. Not good for me because I'm a tad impatient :) I'm trying to hang in there, though, because I think I scared him off several months ago...we split for a while, so now I'm working REAL HARD to move at a snail's pace. Right now, he's worth it... and like you, I don't want to mess up what we do have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 4:05pm

It's a really tough call.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 12:00am

Thanks for all the good feedback.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 8:38am

We were physical in the past. It hasn't happened this go-round, BUT he's been talking about it A LOT...we have to be VERY careful getting together...and I've pretty much been letting him take the lead on that part.


After our last physical time, I jokingly (yes, that "truth spoken in jest") told him it wasn't happening again until we had a "chat"...he actually agreed, said we needed to discuss some things, and then 2 weeks later we ended it and didn't speak much for 3 months. Now, I'm trying to take things SLOW...IDK, sometimes it's EXCRUCIATING, but I hope to have him in my life for a long time, so SLOW it will be :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 11:14am
My ap and I knew each other for 10 years before we started anything. The feelings and attractions were always there, at least on my side. I noticed in the last 5 yrs or so for sure they seemed returned. We had been texting back and forth lots in the last 6 months. It started turning sexual, mostly joking around until I finally told him he was messing with my head. We had a long conversation after that saying nothing could happen. That was 4 months ago and nothing stayed as first talked about. I suffered wondering what was going on between us before we talked, it was the best thing I ever did. But my ap is very emotional, I think he is the exception.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 4:21pm
I'm hoping we can remain friends, too!

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 4:34pm

I was friends with my AP for over 30 years before any physical thing happened. We never had IC.


I finally got the guts up and we had a heart to heart talk cause I was going out of my mind not knowing what the heck was going on.