How silly I have been for waiting
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| Sat, 05-02-2009 - 2:18pm |
I have posted here a couple of times - today is unbelieveably hard for me. So many emotions...feeling so sad, confused, angry...
A bit of recap of my story. Met my AP (he is common law, I am married) again 6 months ago - we hung out as friends about 10 years ago and happened to run into each other on a rare night out for each of us. It was instant attraction and passion (never was when we were friends for me many years ago). We have been intimate several times and seem to really connect which has kept me hanging on. In January, he lost his job, obviously rocked his world and has put me on hold for 3 months to figure out his life - telling me it was "too hard to get away" and he had limited access to me. He kept me interested by e-mail, telling me things I wanted to hear that made me feel alive and wanted. How much he wanted to see me again when life was back to "normal" again (whatever that means). I wasn't too cool with this - I figured if he was really into me, no matter what the situation, he would make an effort to see me. But I waited.
Last week, he sent me several messages - he found a job. The excitement was back in his messages again. He sounded so happy and relieved. In these messages, he told me how happy he is because he is now able to see me again, he SO wants to see me again and how much he is looking forward to talking, kissing, holding etc. etc. I was so, so excited to hear that. He said that maybe this weekend he would be able to see me but wasn't sure. All week I thought about what it would be like to see him again, hold him, what I would wear, where we would go...it consumed me. But here we are, Saturday, nothing from him since those messages last weekend. I know he said "maybe" but I thought for sure I would hear from him to make a date soon. I am crushed...I feel like I am never going to see him again. I feel like a huge fool for waiting.
What I don't get is WHY, WHY, WHY, he has been telling me for months how much he wants to see me again and then last weekend that he is ready to see me and wants to so badly but NOTHING!! Why is he bothering to tell me these things when it seems like there is no intention. I just don't get it. It would almost be easier if he just didn't send me anything at all. Its so hurtful.
Sorry I am ranting...I was just so excited to finally be able to reconnect with him again. I really believed he felt the same. I thought tonight would be the night...

Hi kelu,
Seems like you're more hooked on him than he is on you... you feel that you really connected but he's treating you like you are so far down on his priority list you're invisible... it's up to you to decide if you want to be treated that way or not. Personally if I ever have an affair again the man better treat me like a goddess or I am gone, lol.
I'm not sure what you want out of your affair but if it's love and the possibility of a future with him you can forget that, his actions say you're a mere side dish for him and definitely not a priority. It seems like you can't even count on him for just sex. I would cut him loose and forget about him.
hugs,
trixie xo
Thanks for your response Trixie - a very harsh reality that I think I know deep down inside. I guess with all the things he has been saying and the way things were when we were together, I felt like he really wanted to be with me - that I was the different girl - fun, energetic, beautiful, sexy
Trixie is right--his behavior isn't acceptable and if you are
going to have an affair don't give yourself to someone who makes
you feel disposable.
I learned the hard way-I know how u are feeling. I also have the opposite now--a lover who makes me feel cherished worshiped and adored--don't settle.
Eternal:
I am happy for you that you have been able to move forward and find all those amazing things in a partner.
I'm a smart girl - I don't know why I am so wrapped up in this. Its made me feel 90% horrible and 10% happy. Its ruined my newly rediscovered self esteem. But yet I keep holding on to the fantasy and wondering why -- why did he want me last week but not this week -- what changed? How can I fill this void?
I hope happiness is somewhere out there. I am skeptical after this...
My lover did the same thing to me last week. Even after i told myself it was over and i was done. He email me and it started all over. There i was ready to be swept back in . Made plans. And didnt hear from him again. I found this artical posted some where. EAS i think.
Hi kelugirl -
You said: Why is he bothering to tell me these things when it seems like there is no intention. I just don't get it. It would almost be easier if he just didn't send me anything at all.
He tells you those things to keep you hooked. He dangles the carrot (possibly seeing you over the weekend) and he'll keep dangling that carrot as long as you allow it.
It's worked out well and in his favor so far. He put you on ice, so to speak, for 3 whole months. All he had to do was type up a few words to sweep you in, right where he left off 3 months ago.
He made contact, mention of possibly getting together, and then...nada.
Hot, cold, push, pull.
Where do you go from here?
TY kelugirl. It was difficult to move on and stop making excuses for someone who meant so much to me...but I did it, and so can you.
Looking back on the pain the A caused me I can only say to you that
yes there was moments of great excitement as well but now I have someone who together with me has made each day one that begins with
a smile.
Hang in there. It may take time for you to really make the break--only you can do it and only you will know when/if it is right.
I wish you well.