How to tell husband?
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| Tue, 03-17-2009 - 10:24am |
Hi, I'm new here. I have practically noone to talk to...
Have been with husbannd 8 years, 4 married. Always more friends than lovers, past 3 years no sex, first me with problems (hurting) then husband operated. I always tried to talk to him, telling that we need to start our sexlife anew, but slowly, first just touching without any sexual tones. He never managed that. I suggested simple massages, he never had time. Lately seem to just irritate each other all the time. He loves me, I love him (but from my side it's now completely platonic).
Year ago started a new job, found two friends, a man and a woman. Always have had men as friends, never anything sexual. Long story short, me and that male friend fell in love. We've been seeing each other for about 2 months. I tried to resist, he wasn't chasing me, we just ended up together.
I know we're in the first stages of falling in love, with rose coloured glasses on, butterflies flying around, but I've never felt like this with anyone else.
Feel so guilty and horrible about husband. He doesn't suspect a thing.
How can you tell someone you've been with for 8 years that you're in love with someone else and want to be with them?
I know I should just tell him, he doesn't deserve this and I can't live like this.
I know I probably should find an apartment first so I have a place to go (moving in with my lover is of course an option but I'd rather not do it right away, would like to solve things with husband first). But it seems so cold and calculated. I don't think he'd throw me out, he's too kind to do that, but then again, this situation is completely new and unpredictable, can't be sure of anyone's reactions. Only "good" thing is there are no children involved...
Broken hearted, confused and feeling guilty...
Help.
Thank you.

Weekitty,
You should just tell him.
Seems like you and your H has already thrown in the towel on this M. He could just be waiting for you to have a good heart to heart talk about putting this dead M to rest. Thank god there are no kids so the rest is simple.
I wouldn't however jump into another R with AP right away. Figure out what's missing in your life that made you think it's okay to have an A. Otherwise, you may be bound to repeat your actions no matter who you end up with. Going from one R into another is sometimes a recipe for disaster. Leave your M for you. Not for the OM.
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson