how to tell if om really cares?please he

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
how to tell if om really cares?please he
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:34pm
hi all,im new here and just started my 1st affair.im 38 yrs old and have been married for 14 yrs to a man who has done nothing but drink and run around the whole time.i finally decided this yr was going to be all about me and making me happy.so i met sm who has only had 3 relationships and all 3 hurt him badly and left him very leary and insecure.he knew right off i was married and i was looking for sex only at first.but call me stupid or ? but i fell in love.and he said he has too,hes the one who first brought this up since i figured i had no right .but the things he says and does leaves me very confused.im hoping you all can help because ive really had no man interaction in 14yrs and i know men can say things and not mean them.for instance i will be talking to sm and maybe i cant call him for a few days,so i finally call and hes acting quiet.so i ask him if theres a problem and he always says no.so i ask why hes not talking and he will say something like"if you dont need to talk to me its no problem.maybe its better anyway"he says this on almost a daily basis!so then i dont call for 3 or 4 days and he calls me telling me hes sorry,hes just scared because he loves me so much and he doesnt want to get hurt again.one part of me believes him because hes very sensitive and he was hurt badly several times before.and when were together hes always holding my hand,touching my hair,little affectionate jesters that arnt sex related.but then he seems to get these moods where hes quiet and not very talkative like somethings bothering him.and he acts like he doesnt care if were together or not.im very confused.like tonite i call him to tell him im coming out to see him tommorrow and hes very quiet and says if i dont want to thats fine with him!so i ask him if he doesnt need to see me?and he said"so youll be here at 5pm?"its things like this that are very confusing to me because when were together its beautiful.we talk for hours and play and have so much fun.and hes so different in person,very happy to see me all the time and usually our phone conversations are great once i kinda kiss his butt and coax him out of his quiet mood.usually if i joke off his remarks hes fine.im really thinking hes scared of getting hurt again but then again i may be to close to see the situation as it really is.plesase give me your opinions..