How tolerable are you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
How tolerable are you?
14
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 10:00am
I find myself being 100xs more tolerable of the crap that OM dishes out my way than of anyone else on this planet. Sometimes I think Im afraid to upset the apple cart - but why? What is this hold he has over me all about?

Does anyone else walk on eggshells in their EMA?

(Boy Im full of analogies today huh! LOL)

Liberal

a/k/a cl-imshagnhurman

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 8:14am
Meow! You're post rocked! thank you! You're exactly right...what I consider crap isnt necessarily "crap" by his definition. He doesnt treat his fiance with anymore respect than he does me, perhaps less respect. He obviously doesnt know anything different when it comes to what I would consider "acceptible relationship behavior" LOL


Ok I'll try to bounce off my high horse now and realize I have to accept him for who he is - I dont want to change him, I would like him to see it - but I'm not gonna keep exhausting myself emotionally trying to get him to open his eyes and see things from my perspective...

cl-Liberal

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 9:52am
Hey liliah

Good question...I have often wondered if my A continues, just how much will he take me for granted? My H definitely takes me for granted (I'm no peach either, I'll admit) -- but when it gets to that point, well, what's the point? At least in my case; I won't tolerate it, AGAIN!

I think in another post you mentioned how men have trouble multitaksking -- SO TRUE. I once watched a program (Dateline, or one of those shows) where they asked a woman and a man to complete three simple tasks in under a minute. They were to make a number of photocopies, take a phone message, and one other task I can't remember. The women -- no problem. The men were hysterical -- they simply could not do it (they were like headless chickens)!!

Perhaps that's why they need their "caves" more than we do -- they just can't handle it all as well as we can. Just a thought.


damn typos drive me nuts!


Edited 10/24/2003 9:59:09 AM ET by charlotte1203

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 2:22pm
hi girl and liberal -- i've been off the board for awhile and just catching up now.

my A is much like girl's, we are open and honest about everything. much more so than with my SO. i don't work with MM but we communicate on every level and that's so refreshing for me. when MM has tried on a few occasions over the last 3+ years we been together to give me crap because of outside influences, i call him on it and let him know he cannot make me the scapegoat for other problems in his life. and he always gets it and apologizes for trying to dump on me. and tells me i'm the best part of his life.

so i guess i'm saying that if you're honest with your MM, you shouldn't have to put up with his "crap"!!

take care,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 2:37pm
The Jim Belushi show you were referring to is "According to Jim" but it got really interesting later on actually. Jim's friend was buying his wife nice jewelry and Jim's wife asked why he didn't buy her nice jewelry and he said, basically, that he had her and there was no need to work for her anymore. She was furious. He said that if his friend was suddenly buying his wife of however-many-years jewelry, he was having an affair. They told him he was being a jerk but it turned out, later in the show, they found out the guy WAS having an affair. So all the jewelry he'd been buying were guilt gifts and Jim, the boring husband who took his wife for granted, was by far the good guy. The interesting thing is, since my emotional A began, I have been appreciating H a lot more than I was before. I look at him and think about how much I love him and how I'd hate to lose him, and I don't think it's just guilt. I think it's just a whole lot easier for us to take the person for granted when all is going peachy and life is boring. When you are faced with the possibility that you might lose the person, your life gets more interesting to you all of a sudden. There's no way to get MM/OM to appreciate you more without threatening to leave or whatever, which would be a bad idea not only because it could backfire, but because that'll only make him behave long enough to make sure he has you again. I say if he's taking you for granted, go with it. GET BORED WITH HIM. That's the best thing that could happen unless you're just 100% happy with the double life you're leading. Far better you see what life with him would be like now than after you've left your marriage, uprooted your families and turned your life upside down for him, don't you think?

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