howdy / introduction

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
howdy / introduction
16
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 10:46pm

Hello Folks,

I just found this site last night courtesy of a lady who posts on The Experience Project.

I am a male, a man, a guy, a stud, a sperm donor, a dsck, whatever. I think that puts me in a minority here.

My story: I am fourteen years into a marriage that gets sillier every day. We have two wonderful children, who I love and who I cherish seeing every day, and they are the main reason I'm staying married. I'm not staying for their sake, I'm staying for my sake. I like being with them.

My wife has become malicious, vindictive, destructive, and hostile over the past few years. She is the type who would cut off her nose to spite her face, so she doesn't exercise much restraint when it comes to offering criticism; she just opens up and spews. She likes to manipulate by threatening, usually by threatening to withdraw. Over the past two years she has terrorized our ten-year-old daughter by repeatedly threatening to take off if daughter's behavior doesn't improve. Our three-year-old has been listening to all of this --and to the frequent door-slamming-- since he was born. I've seen her alienate her sister, her mother, and other folks for no very good reason except suspicion that they may be trying to do this or that to her; she will instantly hate someone because of the way they dress or speak or walk. She blames others for all of her problems, and she has more problems than anyone else who has ever walked the face of the earth. Her life is so much more difficult than yours or mine -- and you know what?

IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. But this is not her introduction, it's mine, so I will stop talking about her right there and move along. Just wanted to give you some background.

So, me: I'm attractive, healthy, happy, well-traveled, well-read, and well-educated. I have a fascinating job, I pay my bills, I take care of my responsibilities, and I don't mind getting my hands dirty grubbing around fixing things in the bowels of the house. I like people, generally, and I enjoy talking. I'm pretty affectionate, both verbally and non-verbally, and I'm the sort who likes to touch a lot.

Oh, I just remembered why I'm here: We have had sex about twenty times in the past year, which does not include even once in the past couple of months. She is "withdrawing", as she puts it. She "doesn't want to be intimate with anybody". She "isn't ready to be physically or emotionally close to anyone". This is after fourteen years of marriage.

Last night she "withdrew" to the basement with all of her clothes and other junk. She did it because she ordered me to do something and I told her "no way", so she had to punish me. I just laughed because she wasn't doing me much good in the bedroom anyway.

So, back to me. I'm looking for what I'm missing in my marriage: affection, intimacy, touching, secrets, and all of the other stuff that keeps me burning. I feel no guilt whatsoever about my decision to look around. I've been cut off, and I figure I don't need to suffer because my wife has decided to act out and rage and be petty. There was a time when we had a wonderfully close, physical and emotional relationship, and I need that.

I have been married twice before and have had a string of adventures along the way. I want you to know that any advice I offer here comes from years of reflecting on years of experience, mine and others'. I do not throw out suggestions lightly. I've been through enough living to have some insight into these things.

Hope you can use a guy's POV here. I can already see from reading your posts that it's vastly different from the way that women tend to look at things, but I guess we all knew that. :-) I'm going to be throwing in things from time to time that might make you wince, and I hope you understand that I'm only trying to help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 8:26am

Hey Shinesome,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 12:00pm

Hi Nana,

I have never known a man who truly loved a woman and was unable to express it in some unambiguous way. I think if a man doesn't want you to know how he feels, it is because he thinks you won't be pleased by what you hear.

The stereotypical strong, silent, simple-minded male does not engage in EAs. EAs are for the cunning.

I hesitate to say more because I do not know you or your AP. I ask you to bear in mind that most women and most women are very different creatures; the typical man and the typical woman would not enter into an EA for the same reasons, would not have the same expectations and needs, and would not use the same strategies to get what they want. I say this because in my reading of these posts, it seems that many women do not appreciate these differences and take them into account.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 12:57pm
Shinesome, Thanks for your response! I have had an A with a MM off and on for 5 years now. Seems like we just can't quit seeing each other and have tried several times. My question is do you think he has some feelings for me after seeing me for so long? I know all guys are not the same but im just curious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 1:53pm




Hi Tgrbabe,


My other aliases were before your time as a CL I am afraid..:)


I am still trying to figure out why my words are falling off the page...ugh...










iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 9:16pm

LOL - OK well then I'll stop wracking my brain too much - and just say welcome back - and I look forward to getting to know you better.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 10:43pm




It is a word wrap thing on the words falling off but I don't know if it is my computer or


what..note the double spacing between lines...ugh










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