HOW,how,HOW,How??????
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| Sun, 10-12-2003 - 1:37pm |
Especially the wandering mind and the loneliness/hurt!
I am single with children, so I feel so alone......I also am starting to drink terribly to actually fool myself into believing this helps me deal......There has to be someone who understands......My life is slipping away,,,consumed with I think obsessiveness, especial with thinking!!!! I would never ever ever advise anyone to even allow themselves to get into this situation. It is the most hurtful, destroyful feeling. Too many years to give up now........Is it true, take two steps back to make him one step forward? BUT HOW???? I thought i was pretty intelligent, but i really can;t play the game....WHY>
PLEASE HELP!....SO CONFUSED,HURT,ANGRY,HEARTBROKEN,LOVED DEEPLY(PART TIME) in Reality, but not in his heart, so he says.
I think I am slowly dying inside....

~hp
I came to a realization over the weekend though. I thought of the first time we met to consummate our A. The weekend was perfect, I felt things I didn't even know I was capable of feeling, there was a tenderness, a connection. I reflected on the conversations, emails, etc. Even if things don't work out the way I hope they will, I would not trade these memories for anything. I wouldn't want to have missed out on loving him and being loved by him. I know I have his heart - she has his physical presence. He calls me first to tell me when things are going good and when they are going bad.
Yes, it drives me crazy to think about the fact that she has what I want and doesn't even appreciate the wonderful man she is married to. The thought of them going places as a family is maddening. But then again, the reason he is still there is b/c of the kids and he has to keep up appearances for them - so yes that does mean family functions. More often than not though, he takes the kids on his own and she goes elsewhere.
I think that the how's creep into my mind as a way to protect myself. It is my way of doubting him so that I will have justification for reserving or drawing back my feelings about him. I don't know how long I will remain patient, I don't know how long I can take the rollercoaster of emotions we all discuss on this board. Everyone is afraid of the unknown and an EMA is full of unknowns. Sometimes I feel that she has all the control, but then again, I know that I am the one in control of how I react to things. I am the one that can stay or leave this situation.
As for your drinking to tolerate the feelings, it doesn't help. Don't be afraid to let yourself feel the full range of emotions of life. We can't fully appreciate happiness if we don't have some grief in our life. Numbing yourself to the issues in your life doesn't make them go away, not even temporarily.
Turn to friends or this board to vent your frustration, lonliness, doubts and joy. It is hard to say the least to love a man you can't have or have to wait on.
Hugs,
saatty
thank you for your suppport and understanding. I have been one of the women that can handle this relationship until now.! 4 years. He is everything I have ever wanted. More than I could possibly hope for. I do not put him first before my children, but I want this relationship with him so much. Just as my children make me proud to be their mother he makes me proud to be his love........I realize you have to be happy with yourself first, but every person you love in your life, relatives, moms, dads, children, best friends and lovers all contribute to your happiness, *sometimes your sadness too*. I am a very strong, level headed women, always been capable of anything.....Until lately. I hurt,,,just this awful feeling in my chest.....Plain and simple hurt. At the same time he makes me so happy. If I give up, eventually I will lose the hurt,,,but i will also lose the happiness. And the happiness is tremendous. He brings out the best in me and makes me who I want to be. I don't want to walk. I will take the advice on a therapist,,,thanks,,,,,thanks so much. fl27
You have friends here...we are here for you!!!
Hugs...MEOW
Kitty Kat
You need to seek counseling. Anytime you turn to alcohol when you have problems, that in itself is a bigger problem. Don't cheat your children or yourself any longer. Call your insurance provider and get a counseling referral TODAY!!
Laugh![Smiles]()
In response to how, how, how. Yes, when it starts to hurt too much and you are thinking of drinking is when you really need to put yourself first --honey your best is not being brought out now and a good therapist can help you get that capable together woman back together again and mayber it is time to get on with your life and let HIM make the choice.
I told myself when I first crossed the line from friendship to love that all the joy is worth the pain that will surely come when it is time to go. And as the stats say--all affairs come to an end sooner or later.
Secondly, you mentioned drinking to deal. The fact that you brought that up tells me that a) you are concerned about it and b) you don't want to continue to do it. Please do not self-destruct over this....there are many of us here who have been through all the issues you mentioned in your post. And if you want help with the way you're using alcohol to handle your pain, feel free to e-mail me anytime. I have been there and done that, let's say ;-)
Hang in there hon!
ItalianPisces
Men are a dime a dozen -- believe me -- and there are GREAT men still out there for you. You will find one once you make up your mind to break free. And, that's the hard part because these EMAs become addictions. So, here's the "how" of making the pain subside. This is hard and it takes time, but I guarantee you, you will be free and you will be happy and you will fall in love again.
First, have no contact with MM. Then, get a journal and write in it every time you're feeling sad, angry, jealous. Write until you can't write anymore -- get it all out. Exercise EVERY day -- even if it's a quick walk -- make yourself do it (that kicks in the endorphins which make you feel better).Make a list of all the things you enjoy doing (going to movies, taking kids to the park, getting a manicure, eating Haagen Daz) -- everything -- and start doing them. Comforting yourself will make you feel better. Make another list of all the people in your life right now who love you and who you love. Spend more time with those people. Once you start feeling better, you will be more hopeful and see that you have choices and a happy future. Good luck and lots of hugs...Susanna