Hubby Vs. MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Hubby Vs. MM
14
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 3:33pm
I have a fairly non-existent sex life with my H....he's more like a brother or a room-mate (in my eyes). MM is sexy, attentive, sensitive, giving, caring, support, etc. Everything that H is not. Do most of you find you are seeking what you are missing in your married life or is it just fun, games and sex? If my H could get back the qualities I married him for (and that MM has) I probably wouldn't be in this A. What about you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
In reply to: crazychiclet
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 3:41pm
I know the reason I had an affair on my H is because there was NO sexual attraction there whatsoever. I didn't understand it either because my H is an attractive guy and gets hit on often. From the time I get pregnant with our daughter (18) until now (24) I have NOT ONCE initiated sex with him and had NO desire whatsoever to be with him sexually. Then, we met this other couple and the OM turned on something in me that had been sleeping for quite a while. I hadn't had feeling like that literally since I was 18. And to think, I had a dr appt to get my hormone levels checked because I thought my libido had broken! It was then I realized I was just plain not attracted to my H anymore. I had "pity sex" with him about once every week or two and I'd always say "hurry up" or something. Now my sex life is fantastic! Needless to say I cancelled my appt!
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: crazychiclet
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 3:56pm
I entered into my A for many of the same reasons. My H just was not interested in sex anymore. I have to be honest; the first 3 years of our relationship he was Great in the sack. All of a sudden one day he (or shall I say, his little buddy) fell asleep and has not awaken since and it’s been almost 9 years. I was lucky to get it once a year and then it was Horrible. I have to admit that even if he (his buddy) did wake up, I'm not interested anymore. Now, that MM has helped me to open so many uninhibited doors regarding sex, I'll never go back nor will I give him (MM) up just because H woke up. Am I rambling????? NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
In reply to: crazychiclet
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 4:00pm
OMG...me too! I thought something was wrong with MY libido but MM proves differently. I've been with my H for 16 years (10 married). Every once in a while, I initiate sex (every 6 months) but it's not because I'm hot for him...I just get some crazy idea that married people should be doing it. My MM can't believe my H doesn't jump my bones all the time and I wonder myself but I never ask him why we don't have sex anymore. It's like an elephant in the room and no one addresses the issue. Secretly, I think if I brought it up H might want to pick up where we left off but I'm not really attracted to him anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: crazychiclet
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 4:20pm

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
In reply to: crazychiclet
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 4:43pm
I started having an affair when H put me against the wall and made me chose between him and my family! Sex b/c less and less and that was my fault b/c H was just not doing anything for me, I guess b/c I just couldn't see him as a man anymore after what he had done to me! OM gave me the attention & support that I needed!! So when we became sexually involve it was the best, nothing compare to what I had with H!! Now sex is 1 main factor why I'm still with OM!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: crazychiclet
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 6:14pm
Yikes --me too (sort of). H was disabled and needed round the clock mothering for many years. The medicines he takes makes it hard for him to well... er... get hard. He was unwilling to go to the Dr. for help, and I wasn't going to do it for him. My libido went to sleep and I really blamed it on menopause. I thought -- okay, no problem. We have a sexless marriage and that's okay. Then BOOM!!! MM walked into my life, woke me up, I started feeling different about myself, dressing different, lost weight... My first weekend away (see previous whiney posts), I come home and H has suddenly been to the dr. for Viagra. Now I'm just wondering when he will spring it on me (so to speak). I'm really not attracted to him anymore. Told MM and he encourages me to at least allow H the opportunity, since it would be good for his ego. See -- I told you they like each other. It was nice, though.. since MM said it would kill him but fair is fair (hee hee). I guess I'll just see what happens and hope it turns out like it did for you, Gurlfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: crazychiclet
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 7:15pm

Hey crazychiclet,


I really don't know what happened to DH and I... we once had a great sex life... at least 3 times a week.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
In reply to: crazychiclet
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 7:18pm
I found my MM has a lot of the qualities I first fell in love with my H!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
In reply to: crazychiclet
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 12:15am
I have to agree with the others, in that my H is not the same man that I fell in love with. He used to be attentive, caring and sensitive, but that was a long time ago. Time and some of the tough lessons of life I guess have taken its toll. I believe that my H is also an alcoholic, something that I'd turned a blind eye to for many years. What my MM gives to me is so special. He's gentle, easy going, and very loving. Above all, he is my best friend. My DH on the other hand is extremely moody and overall, an angry individual that can be downright scary at times (especially when he's been drinking). I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him, otherwise he's always trying to pick fights with me. As far as the sex goes, I wish he were impotent (isn't that an awful thing to say)?. His libido is quite high and much of his moodiness and anger towards me is over the fact that I don't want him touching me anymore. It's not that my H isn't a good looking guy or bad in bed for that matter, but I've just grown sick of feeling like I'm there for his needs and convenience only and if I don't 'put out,' there is hell to pay. My MM makes me feel valued for the woman I am- every aspect of me and not just sexually. And the sex with MM is mind-blowing!! I also thought there was something wrong with me, until MM came along. I learned that a great lover is also one who makes love to your mind and my MM does that in spades.

Virgogirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: crazychiclet
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 8:54am
Hi Gurl, I know we talked about our similarities in our primary relationship. But just before I got M, H and I had great sex. That lasted about 6 mos. And during that time, I told him I hope it never ended. But it did.

If H all of a sudden got interested again, I would be afraid to give up MM and probably wouldn't.

Because all good things come to an end. And if H got interested in sex again, I'm sure it would be short-lived like the last time.

And if I give up MM and then we got back to no sex at home again, I'd be up the creek without a paddle. And there's no way I would look for another MM.

This was a one-time thing for me. But I wouldn't enter into another A. The feelings you develop are too hard to just turn off and on.

Dusty
xxxx

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