Humiliated Yet Again
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Humiliated Yet Again
| Fri, 12-19-2008 - 4:30pm |
Ok..I'll get a lot for this. Some harsh words but maybe that is what I need. My AP has stood me up yet again. He asked for a moment..I told him YES. I said to call me, we picked a date (today)..I waited and he never called or emailed or anything. NOTHING! Now, he's done this before with me..Granted, we never set a time..I never heard from him. And I've said I would be there like at our job and such and never showed. But this was more of a plan. He did this to me last time..we talked about meeting and I said I was available and then I never heard from him. I will not let this ruin my holidays..no way! But how many of you have been in this situation a lot? It feels humilitating..I feel like an idiot. I've been so nice to him and it doesn't matter. I don't matter..obviously.

Logan -
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way - I do not believe you are an idiot at all - you made plans - he broke them - which happens - however, to not contact you in any way to let you know he couldn't make it - that is just plain rude and unacceptable.
You wouldn't put up with that from your best girlfriend - and you should NOT put up with it from him.
hi logan,
i remember you from EAS (i lurk mostly) and although i can't remember the specifics of your story, i remember thinking you seemed to be doing so well with nc.
but i know how easy it is to fall back into things. i'm in the same situation. after 3 months of nc, i'm back in it again. i think you are s, right? i am, too and i am guessing by your handle that we are about the same age. i find myself in somewhat similar situations...never knowing exactly when i'll see him next even though it's not really that difficult to see each other. he just won't commit to plans. like i don't know if i'll see him before i leave for my christmas holiday and i know i will be upset if i don't (he doesn't even know when i am leaving). in a way, i almost want that to happen to provide build my case to dump him once and for all (not that i need any more fuel, but you know, there's always the last straw). he won't ruin my christmas, however, because i will be back home with my family and friends.
anyway, every time i feel frustrated i journal about it. and then i go back and read to see how lame it all really sounds. it really is lame.
try not to get too down about it. if you ever do talk to him again, ask him about it. do not let him (or time) allow it to be swept under the rug.
i know we'll both emerge from this insanity soon.
i know we'll both emerge from this insanity soon.
How do you think that will happen?
Will you dump these guys?
I am sorry it happened to you...what a jerk!!!
>>How do you think that will happen?
>>Will you dump these guys? Do you think they'll change?
Yes, I will dump him eventually. And no, I don't think he'll change.
I think continuing relationships is like a cost-benefit analysis. As soon as the costs outweigh the benefits, it's time to end. It's nearly that point now and I believe that until it gets to and beyond that point, it's hard to accept the decision that the relationship is over for good.
Well, firstly, it was rude of him to not contact you that plans have changed - that is unexcusable.
Secondly, when it comes to affairs, I think that you can never be too sure of your plans.
Logan, I'm so sorry that you had to experience than pain, hurt and humiliation.....again. It sounds like he has been allowed to get away with this behavior in the past and so he continues to leave you hanging.
When he tells you he wants to talk...tell him it's either now or never. Because obviously, he doesn't care enough about your feelings to give you common courtesy.
It is a trap that we all get sucked into. We keep hoping that maybe they will change and will give you what you are so looking for but really, it never happens. You are not getting what you want out of this A. What is the purpose of risking everything in your life for this fruit loop? If you so desire to be in an A, I'm sure there is a man out there who will go for it and treat you better than that. Not that I condone going out and searching for an A. It just ends up being way too much heart ache. You don't deserve that.
When you look at this A, does your H(if your M, I don't remember since I haven't seen you on this board in a while) treat you better than this crappy AP? Start making a list of all the GOOD things about your H and all the things that you like or love about him. Don't write the bad stuff. It's too easy to see the bad when your heart is hurting. Then write a list of all the things that you don't like about AP and all the things that you don't like about being in an A.
What does this do to you sense of self worth? Ultimately you are allowing him to degrade you and chip away at your self confidence. How long were you in NC this last time before you broke it? Just keep strong. Whether you are here or EAS, we will support you and help you through this.
Hugs,
LM
Thanks for the support! You know I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm taking things one day at a time here given my past behavior with him. But his behavior with me..I think this could very well be the final straw. I'm not so sure that I like him as much as I did just because of his arrogance with me. If you ladies could have heard his message. He truly is in love with himself. His voicemail message so turned me off in so many, many ways. Like..I'm struggling here through the holidays and he is off on the beach realaxing, having sex with his W and then after carelessly blowing me off last time just expects me to drop everything and see him upon his return.
I'm so disgusted with myself for even giving him as much energy as I have. I'm not looking back anymore. I don't want this.
I was going to add that you don't even have to tell him *it's over* again.