Hurt by FWB's actions (kinda long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Hurt by FWB's actions (kinda long)
7
Fri, 05-01-2009 - 4:38pm

Hi -


Just wanted to write this down, get it out, and maybe get some feedback from you wonderful ladies.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Fri, 05-01-2009 - 5:07pm

oiy. he sounds like a huge flirt. reels you in for his "feel good" - then releases you to take care of yourself.

but of course, our "feel good" is the sense of being alive and attractive and remembering what it was like 20 years ago. sometimes we realize what we have traded for that - and sometimes we don't. seems like seeing him with the OW has opened your eyes to the trade.

keep thinking of that picture, his lies to his DW and his toying with your feelings - and that should extinguish the hots for him.

as far as starting it up with your DH again, that's another story.
Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2009
Fri, 05-01-2009 - 7:53pm

I understand the physical attaction that compels you forward in spite of your best judgement.


But women for the most part also need the emotional connection for the physical to be satisfying. That was true for me anyway. When my EA became physical, the physical with H. completely stopped.


What about this--the next time you two are moving toward "hot and heavy," think of him flirting with the OW at his party...and how mad you were at the time. Keep that image in your head and see if that doesn't make you hesitate and make a different choice.


Have you thought about counseling as well? You seem very concerned about the effect this will have on AP's W, your friend, but it hasn't been enough to stop you so far.


Maybe that would help. I am sending thoughts of willpower your way.


Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.       ~Anonymous
 &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sat, 05-02-2009 - 12:37am

In all honesty, it sounds like your OM is a player. I kind of know you already thought that. I would pretty much assume that this has happened before and since with the other OW.

Sigh. As hard as this is finding out that he is this way might just be a silver lining. Doesn't ease your pain and take away the shock factor.

~Shadowz
~Shadowz
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 05-02-2009 - 5:20pm

I'm a long time lurker, occasional poster though it's been awhile.


Your situation sounds so very familiar, I have to tell you that he is a player and probably has done more with other women than his is doing with you.


He most likely has had other affairs and could even currently be in the middle of one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Mon, 05-04-2009 - 2:06pm

Hi -


Thanks to everyone for your posts, I needed to

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Mon, 05-04-2009 - 3:52pm

Your feelings will not go away over night. However, he is not your problem. Just be glad you see him for what he is. I don't know how you will be able to remain friends with him and the wife...personally I would be a nervous wreck around her. Just count yourself lucky...


Everything else will come in time. Rome wasn't built in a day, feelings didn't grow over night. More importantly what does not kill us really will make us stronger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Mon, 05-04-2009 - 5:47pm

I'm glad you came back to follow up.