Husband OR Soulmate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
Husband OR Soulmate?
13
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 2:05pm

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Avatar for earnhardt_jr_fan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 2:16pm

Unfortunately, the only person who can make this decision is you.

From your message, it sounds to me like Tony isn't 100% sure about leaving his wife and children. If he's already left you that many times to go back, whose to say he won't continue to bounce between the two of you for years to come? By doing that, he's stringing you both along (and he's being a cake eater). It's unfair to not only you, but his wife and children too. I don't think you'd ever be able to fully trust that he's in your life to stay. You'd always be wondering "Is he gonna go back to her?". No one wants to spend their life wondering if their significant other is going to walk away from them.

If your husband doesn't make you happy and fufill your needs - don't go back just because things didn't work out with Tony. If you aren't happy with him - don't continue with the marriage. It likely won't get any better or change enough to make you happy. Trust me.

I won't tell you what to do with your life - but, I think deep down you know what you need to do. I wish you luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 3:36pm

for your personal peace of mind in the long run, i'd go with option 3.. when you are by yourself, you are at a place to make the best decisions for yourself.. right now, you are in the worst place to make decisions because you are being pulled from all sides..

when you are by yourself, then you may even end up going back to hubby, but that'll be a different you to decide that..

the BF i am not so hot about.. tattoo or not, he doesn't seem to be the guy that'll give you many years of happiness down the line even if he may wish that in his heart.. he really means it and you should listen to him when he says he is not right for you..

good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 1:30pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 1:41pm

I have to agree w/ nevereasy. Looks like H is headed out of your life (sounds like by your choice), and good, bad, or indifferent as your feelings towards H are...D is still HARD and your emotions ARE all over the place.


Tony sounds like bad news...or in the very least like one of those "bad boys" we girls sometimes attach ourselves to. If he'd left me 5 times...I don't think I'd even entertain a 6th, but that's me :)


Get out of your M...get your head clear, and do what's right for YOU and your daughter. Best wishes... and (HUG) because I know you need one!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 2:43pm

You have to figure out why you would even consider going back to Tony after he has left you five times. That really is the worse decision you can ever make. He has no job, no car but he's good in bed and likes to dance. Of course he likes to dance because all he has to do in life is practice how to win women over while they take care of him and put up with his foolishness. Tony is in jail for violating a restraining order with his W??? There are two sides to every story and the fact that Tony was arrested for harrassing his W should show you that this guy is a player and he is bad news. Unless you thrive on the drama and uncertainty of not knowing when your man will be there with you or running back to someone else Tony shouldn't even be an option. I think you being mad at your stbxh for going to strip clubs is very unfair. Your stbxh needs his needs met also and while you are stringing him along waiting on Tony he is probably checking out what else is available. Don't kid yourself. Your stbxh may not be right for you but there is a woman out there who would love to have a faitful man who brings home the bacon. Tony may go dancing with you but I am willing to bet you that if you wanted to repair your M with your stbxh and you put in 100% without any third wheels you will get a return on your investment.


Take it from me, I had an A and left my M a couple of weeks ago. I never ALLOWED my H to see the inner workings of my soul because of something within me.

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Registered: 05-04-2010
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 3:14pm


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Registered: 05-04-2010
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 3:30pm

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Registered: 05-04-2010
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 5:13pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 9:43am

"Gosh if I were able to take the 2 men and make them into 1 I'd have

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 10:53am

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