Husband won't back off

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Husband won't back off
3
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:49pm
First alittle background. I have been with H for 15 years, married 9. He has always been a suspicious person, but now it is the worst I have ever seen. Every day he questions me about who i doing, who I'm kissing, who I'm talking too. And he words it different to try and screw me up. He throws divorce in my face constantly, which at this point I don't care. This goes on everyday, every night, always!!! He always tells me to leave but i won't give him the satifaction, he won't leave b/c he thinks he has all the rights to our house, little does he know I have talked to a lawyer. He tells me he has a feeling that there is someone else, and he can tell by the things i do, or say. That i've lost interest in sex (true), and that he can tell someone else has been with me, b/c i "feel" different. Is that the dumbest thing ever? But after all of this, then he actually wants me to have sex with him!!! And he wonders why i dont want to. It's like all the stuff he had just said never happened and all is ok. I can't take it anymore. Have any of you experinced this? I really need some help here, im slowly losing my mind!!!! MM has never been one to show or tell me much about how he feels, but lately he has started, which is nice. But the problems with H have nothing to do with him, it started before him, he may be part of the problem now, but my life is set on what happens with us. I would luv him to be a part of my future but im not holding my breath on it, at least not now. We have a great thing going and we dont want it to end yet. I hope someone can help me. Thanks for listening!!


Hot

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:45pm

uni, your H is emotionally abusing you, honey.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:52pm
I completely understand what you are going through. My H and I have been together 9 years, married nearly 8 and he can be one of the most emotionally abusive people I've ever met. If I don't get the house all "sparkly" while raising two children (in addition to taking care of him), paying the bills, being a full-time career woman and full-time mom (you all know what I mean), etc., he throws "you don't love me anymore" or "pack your bags, take the kids, and get out" right in my face with some quite colorful language. He has even made the comment that he'd get the house because his name is listed first on the mortgage (where did he go to school, Idiot University?)! He considers sex my "wifely duty" rather than a loving act between two loving, trusting people. Sex with him....well, I could be happy without sex forever if it were only with him. But, luckily, since I do have my sweet MM, I don't starve myself (LOL).

And, I'm still seeing my MM this weekend.....I'm so excited! (BTW, I got my waxes and manicures....I am ready to go! Ha Ha!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 1:10pm
wow... expecting a sparkly house, business management and child raising from a working woman? and complaints if it doesn't happen?

I didn't think they were making those kind of men any more. And that works, even a little once in a while? Hmm. As a MM apparently I'm letting the W off too easy. lol

As for the original post... sounds like your H really just wants to threaten and worry you about support, living arrangements, etc. As for the relentless questions, I hear you; I get that too, despite the complete lack of evidence to support her guesses. The only thing she can base it on really is that I no longer beg for sex...