i am back here again-different MM- Egads

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
i am back here again-different MM- Egads
5
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 8:22pm
Hi again- anyone who read my other posts will hopefully not think bad of me but here goes. My life I think has come full circle0 3 wks ago I was the 'hunter' now I 'm wondering if I am the "huntee". This man I know- we have been exchanging emails. Well, they have gotten to be to the point of what I believe would be classified as cyber-sex. I am as much the culprit here as he is. However, when we see each at public events, we hang out a little together and when no one is around our conversation reverts to what we have talked about that day in our emails. I don't really know how seriously he would go with this thing- he told last night at an event that sometime he's going to invite me somewhere and I would think it would be an innocent invite but that it would not be. Get my drift? I answered back I would not have it any other way.(meaning I would be willing to have sex) He had a look on his face as if the rubber had hit the road and we were both serious. Today, in an email I tested him a bit further and said I would discreetly meet him somewhere. He emailed back that he was 'smiling.' He also said I would see him sweat (I would imagine during S- but I won't get into that part of our email...). ANYHOW... I responded in a positive way to this and then he never responded back. We had two other emails going at the same time as this one where again sex is the conversation. It is very racy to say the least. We know each other pretty well. There is no R involved here- definately purely a physcial thing we are talking (emailing) about. The emails are sooo intense and very 'hot' in nature. SO, to the men in the crowd- is MM getting nervous and cold feet now that he knows that I would be willing to 'meet'? He is 33 - beem married since he was 20 and has 4 kids. I again am 40 - 2 kids, married, etc.

Anything going on here? Can two people talk VERY sexual like this in emails ( which I knoew is dangerous) and just consider it as flirting? Is there an underlying thing here? He seems to have a good marriage and I am NOT out to break that up ( nor mine even though it sucks.)

Help me gentlemen ( and ladies)

PS: PLEASE DON"T THINK I'M A TRAMP. THIS WHOLE THING WAS NOT STARTED BY ME, BUT BY HIM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 11:35pm
Your right -- does sound pretty similar. Amazing how bold you can be in the anonymous world of "high tech". My night last night would never have happened without our text mail correspondence -- and I never would have communicated my desires so boldy by any other means. I have always been the "good girl" type -- beautiful but sweet; elegant, never slutty; classy not sexy. Perfect house, perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect body (I am a pilates instructor), perfect life...it felt so good to let go and be honest about that other part of myself. The question is if I pursue more. It was SO GOOD I crave him again already. It is probably best left alone. I've gotten away with it. My curiousity and every other part of me were satisfied. If I play with fire I might get burned, right. The last thing I would ever want is to hurt my H -- what he doesn't know won't hurt him but if he did know he would literally die of a broken heart. He worships me. This didn't have anything to do with him or us -- we are great, good sex life, generally everything fine. He travels alot and I get stir crazy being on my own with the kids for weeks on end but... I know that he would never ever do what I did...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 12:41pm
Well, I've read all your posts and will give you a man's perspective. Your MM is definitely interested ( who would not be) in you to put it mildly. You need not dance around the issue with him anymore ...i.e. with passionate hints and overtones. If you want to take the risks involved then tell him exactly what you want ... how/where/when. He will probably not initially respond. Some time will pass and you should meet him for some gentle acts of affection. More time will pass till the grand event. Which all needs to be done discreetly.

You say your marriage sucks... so the risk only adds to the excitement. Communicate via web based email only unless getting caught does not really matter and by reading your posts that's probably the case here. Remember email is a record and people can always find a way to read your messages. Mail.com or like is your answer. Always double delete messages and delete history, temporary internet files, and especially cookies! I hope this was helpful and good luck with your adventure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 1:10pm
I would say he's interested. A couple of reasons: a) he initiated this, and b) he’s responding to your dialog. If he wasn’t interested I think it would have stopped. I must say this though, and you’ve heard it here many, many times: given your situation it can become very complicated (in lack of a better term). You said your marriage sucks. Welcome to the club. I recently became involved with a woman at work. It was just a physical attraction, nothing more. However, I soon came to realize this woman is very smart, caring, has a ton of things in common with me and sez things I haven’t been told in 15 years. All that stuff that is not there in my marriage has suddenly appeared. As such the emotional momentum has picked speed in a helleva hurry. Now here I sit on the weekend thinking about her non-stop and I won’t get to see her until Monday. I’m not saying this is bad, just be prepared.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 12:21am
Thanks for your response. I did tell him via email on Friday morning that I would discreetly meet him. I also talked to hm on the phone this morning as one of his emails yesterday was bsktball related as he wanted to know if H and I could p/u his daughter. (who is on my son's team) He had to work for a bit this mornig and was unsure how to get her there. He told me to call him at work this morning and he'd let me know about the ride situation. Well, H went out to run errands at 9:00 and I called MM after that. ( kids were upstairs). Turns out he planned on taking his daughter all along and just wanted to get me to call him! He said I could call him anytime. (which I won't...My gosh- he has THE sexiest voice on the phone...I would not get ANY work done!) He asked if I could talk and I said yes. He wanted to know if I was driving separate from H to our hockey game today. I said no- everyone would be with me. He asked if there was a way I could get H out of the house for awhile.... Saw him at bsktball game and of course we both have 'I know what your thinking about' grins on our faces. When we left he said he had to tell me something but couldn't right there and then as he had his kids. I'm not sure what it would be. Of course, I am hoping that he wants to set a place/time, etc. I will see him again tomorrow and see wha t happens. It is very natural for he and I to be seen talking together since our kids our on the same team. We both know however, to be careful. Do you think he is still playing chicken.??? Will he pull the trigger eventually and go through with at least a one-nighter. ??

Ok- now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 5:36pm
H- thanks for your response. One of MM's emails on Friday was hockey related as he wanted to know if we could p/u his daughter. He had to work for a bit pn Sat morning and was unsure how to get her there. He told me to call him at work on Sat morning and he'd let me know about the ride situation. Well, H went out to run errands at 9:00 and I called MM after that. Turned out he planned on taking his daughter all along and just wanted to get me to call him! He said I could call him anytime. (which I won't...My gosh- he has THE sexiest voice on the phone...I would not get ANY work done!) He asked if I could talk and I said yes. He wanted to know if I was driving separate from H to our hockey game today. I said no- everyone would be with me. He asked if there was a way I could get H out of the house for awhile. I said no. Went to the game and saw him there. We smiled as we know what's on the other's mind. So today, we saw each other at a local youth sporting event that our kids are involved in. (they are on the same team). Things seemed 'off'. After all the cyber-sex that has been going on in the last week, I was excited to see him yesterday and today. Thought it would be nice to see him and chit-chat. ( which is nothing out of the norm for the parents to do). Anyhow- yesterday (he had two of his kids with him and not his W) he wanted to tell me something but said he couldn't at that time (too many people around). So today I asked him what he was going to say... he did and it was sexual in nature. We then talked about the sporting event the kids were playing in. Afer that, the game started and we walked up to the bleachers. He walked one way and I the other but ended at the same spot. As he walked by me he whispered to me he wanted to grab my ass. I took this as a positive sign. (i am in very good shape). I laughed and smiled. He then went over and sat by his two older kids ( 9 and 13. and oh his W was at home with their youngest child). As I walked by where was sitting he moved over and put his hand down as if he wanted me to sit there. Since his kids were there, I said ' oh- may I sit here' and he smiled and said yes. We talked about the game ( which lasted an hour) for that entire hour. (My H was there as well, but he knows I know a lot of people and that I am a social butterfly at these things. SO for me to be talking to OM is not suspicious as of this writing.) Ok, back to the story- right before the game was over and his kids were pre-occupied I whispered to him "what could I grab?" He smiled and asked me what I wanted to grab. Again we both smiled. We sort of hung around at the party that followed (end of season pot luck for all families). He was in line way ahead of me, got his food and stood by a wall. As I walked by to get in line he offered me anything I wanted on his plate. Again, his three kids are there and it is in a very public spot. There was no 'talk' of anything juicy. He did tell me that his b-day is this thursday so I wished him an early h. b-day. He said he wanted something better than that... I then told him I was working from home on Thursday (which I had not planned on but he does not need to know that.) He smiled a little but nothing more was said. He will be 34. (I again am 40, in great shape, attractive. People are surprised by my age). Where am I going with this??? I just feel that nothing really happened today-I guess I expected some more 'talk'... something that would keep me going. I was SOOOO excited to see him and looked really great. (I even had other men notice me as well, just had to throw that in there). I just don't get what's going on here? I know we're in public- but we could have easily set something up in an instant. His kids were milling around other kids and were well out of ear-shot. I know tomorrow the sex-talk will more than likely start again... I sometimes think this is all he is; just talk. I wonder if it would be ok to offer to take him to lunch on his b-day and see what happens. He would be 15 mins away and if I am at home- I would make the drive. No one would see us or know we were lunching together. (I would not do a 'quickie' over lunch and again, I'm not sure what his deal is with all this stuff). I'm just not sure what to do here? I believe he's interested in me , but getting him to 'pull the trigger' to 'meet' is slow in coming. Also, I saw his what his bank checks look like and they are religious in nature. Does this mean anything? Is he a 'good man' that just talks the talk- I wonder....It just seems as if he is sending me mixed messages??? Am I reading too much into this? Any advice?

I am lost and sad, a little depressed too about the day. I miss him.