I am being blackmailed, help!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
I am being blackmailed, help!!!!
5
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 2:53am
Hello everyone, oh my goodness i am about to lose my mind, let me calm down so i can tell yall what's going on. There was this guy who works around my MM. He knew about the A because he was friends with MM and still is. We were just chatting and he said he heard some stories about MM and he basically said that MM has been having an ongoing thing for two months but he said he really couldnt call it cheating on me but it's around that topic, MM doesnt know me and this guy chat, he was like someone i could go to and talk to him about mm and it wouldnt bother him and guess what now he is blackmailing me. He said that he will tell me the stories he has heard from valid resources if i do sexual things with him and if i dont then he's going to tell MM the whole truth about us just chatting as friends and all that he knows about our relationship. I cant do those things he asked me to do even though i want to know the information. He's giving me a day to decide if it's worth doing it or losing MM forever. The reason he is doing this to me is b/c he liked me alot and i didnt know it and he said all i talked about was MM and it hurt him b/c i didnt feel that way for him now i either have to tell MM everything and do it today or he's going to tell him and add things that arent true. What do i do, i am so scared, i just found out from MM 3 weeks ago that he loves me and now i am having to deal with this. Please help me b/c i am really scared of losing MM. I know i need to be honest with MM but i am going to lose him and what if these stories arent true just lies and then i lose MM anyways. I need everyone to read this and let me know what i need to do. I am freaking out right now, i cant even breathe hardly. HELP!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 8:09am
You need to tell MM everything. You need to take that risk, if he truly loves you then he will not be upset that you would talk to one of his friends about him. If he hears it from OM god only knows what other lies he will think of then you are sure to lose MM.

I am almost sure their friendship will be damaged and yes you may lose some C for a while but I think if he does love you he will be back.

Good luck!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 11:13am
Absolutely share EVERYTHING with MM now, before this creep can give him his skewed version. If you love MM and he loves you, you have to trust that he will understand your need for a confidant. And he's actually blackmailing MM too... saying he has information on him. MM has a right to know -- some friend. Honey please don't wait a second -- run to MM now and tell him the truth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 11:15am
OK. First of all, this extra fellow is a snake. You must cut his head off. Here's my thoughts on how. Forgive me, fellow men, for telling male secrets. As always, this is just me thoughts, please weigh anything against your experience with your R and everything else.

Men are creatures of ego. Grab the MM by the ego and do not let go.

Go to the MM and tell him first that you really needed to be able to talk about him to someone who knew him, someone who could relate. Tell him how much you need to share your enthusiasm for him and that since this mutual friend was available to talk to you thought it would be harmless, someone to hear you go on and on about how much you adore him.

Then get your MM to protect you. Tell him how this other man has been filling your head with thoughts that the MM is having yet another A with someone else. Assure him that because you adore him it was upsetting to think that might be the case and so you asked questions... put him in your shoes. If he heard from a friend that you were fooling around with someone else, wouldn't he ask questions? Believe me, almost all men *hate* the idea of sharing worse than anything else; we are, as I said, creatures of ego. From there I expect you will get some sympathy from him, or at least deflect any blame.

It was at this point that the new fellow asked you to do things... and much as you hate it, be graphic. Men do NOT want to hear about the possibility of their women doing things with other men, especially a man we know. Tell him the truth, that you are afraid this guy would lie and that you'd lose him.

You might lose him anyway. You just don't know. But you should really paint this other friend to be pure evil and after your MM's "property." I know, it's neanderthal and primal, but we men are not so evolved in that area.

For the record, I have no friends so close to me that if this happened with my OW that I wouldn't summarily dismiss them from my life.

Be prepared for some NC... if this other guy really is evil he'll go the next step and threaten MM with telling his W. MM will (in all likelihood) go into "hiding" for a while, probably avoiding you just in case.

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, at least not anything I'd be upset at my OW for. I guess I wouldn't be completely thrilled about not knowing she was talking about me to a friend without telling me, but in all honesty I'd take my friend to the woodshed for this and forget my OW's indiscretion...

Good luck

Rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 12:01pm
I dont know what to do, i read everyone's post and i appreciate your thoughts on this. I have been trying since early this morning to get in contact with MM by phone but i just keep getting the answer machine, i need to tell MM i am scared of losing MM that i cant eat, sleep or hardly breathe, my world is crashing down on me. If i dont tell him today then the other guy is going to tell him at work tommorrow and that's it. My whole one year trying to keep the relationship is going to be over. He said he heard stories from him and MM's friends about how he has been behaving, and i asked him flat out was he cheating on me with a co-worker and he said i wouldnt really say he's cheating on you. persuay. What in .... does that mean? If he is even flirting then to me he is cheating b/c i have been faithful to him even though that sounds weird, i have. I dont even sleep with my husband and i have alot of offers from other guys who want me and b/c i respect my MM and love him, the thought of cheating on him is not an option, but i want have to worry about it by tommorrow b/c MM will only get the other creep's version of the story and i am sure he isnt going to tell MM that he is blackmailing me. I am not going to do these sexual things he wants me to do even if that involves losing the love of my life. I have been crying all day and i cant even believe this is happening to me. MM probably wont even talk to me anymore anyways b/c after calling his house several times i finally broke down and left a message i just said "when u get this message, i need you to call me because it's really important and MM will know i was crying and upset about this, i just hope his W doesnt get the message first, maybe MM will say it was probably somebody with the wrong number. I am broken up inside, first i have been dealing with NC and now i know why he is cheating on me and his wife. I guess i wasnt enough for him and now i have to deal with the reality that some other woman besides me is sexually pleasuring MM and it's not me. I shouldve never gotten involved with MM, i shouldve known better. Now i am sec guessing if he even meant he truly loved me, i am just so confused and now i have to live my life knowing that MM will never be it. We just shouldve kept this nothing but a sexual thing but know my d... heart had to get involved and now i am going to get hurt worse than i could have ever imagine. guys i have to go just please keep me in your thoughts and please if you have anything to say, i need to have the comfort of this board, it's the only thing besides my son that keeps me going, knowing there are others out there dealing with what i have been for a year. thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 12:21pm
(((Hugs))), I agree you should tell MM and as soon as possible!