I am breaking
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I am breaking
| Wed, 04-21-2004 - 11:35am |
Guys, i dont know what to do anymore, i am literally breaking apart, i feel like my world is falling down on me and there's nothing i can do. MM will not even talk to me, i called him last night at a friends house and he answered, all i could do was hang up the phone b/c more than likely the W was there and i didnt wont her finding out about us even though i really dont care anymore, i just dont MM having to deal with the 20 questions about the A that i put up with from H. Also i could tell my the tone of his voice that he was asleep and i knew it wouldnt help so i just hung up, i told myself i would just call him once today and prayed he would answer but he wont. I dont know if he's there and is just avoiding talking to me or maybe he isnt at home. I want to be clear when i say this, i need and want MM in my life, but all i am trying to get now is peace. As everyone can tell i am a very determined woman who will not stop until he breaks down and tells me it's over. MM and I are in our middle 20's actually two days apart and i am acting more like the adult than he is. I was just reading an article that was based on a guy who was unsure if he still wanted his relationship with his gf and the columnist was giving him advice and told him that he if he didnt wont he relationship anymore then he needed to tell her not by email, im, or the phone, that he has been with her long enough to actually meet her face-to-face and tell her. Right now guys and dolls, a friggin IM would work for me. I am lost, i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about this and i stay trapped inside my house day in and day out b/c i stay at home with my son which is my choice but all of my friends have their own career and their lives so i never get to talk to them or see them. Right now i think i have hit my lowest point, i try putting all my attention and thought into my son but even that doesnt help, i dont know what to do, i never thought MM would act like this, he wont even talk to me so i can tell him exactly what happened with the blackmailing issue. I have to get a grip and face it he's gone. Have you ever just laid in bed crying silently so noone could hear you while the person you are sleeping next to doesnt have a clue? That's what i do everynite and my H doesnt even know b/c he's off snoring. I am tired of having to deal with BS all the time. I talked to my best friend who already knew about us and she said she doesnt think he has the right to be mad at me, that if anyone should be p.... it should be me, i have tried to be the strong one all my life and now i am weak. I was weak going into the A and i am weak coming out of the A. I need a miracle!!!! Anyway's sorry for it being sooo long, just needed to vent. Oh, also before i forget, how do u get to the mas chat so i can talk you guys? i need help on that one. Well i hope everyone is having a better day than i am. take care

First of all, I want to say that I really do sympathize with all the feelings and emotions that you are going through, but there comes a time and a place for you to take a stand for yourself.
Sure you want him in your life, but at the sake of your self worth?? Don't go there. Keep your pride. Thats the best advice i ever got here, was to keep your pride. Everytime I phoned just to hear his voice, i lost a piece of myself.Everytime I just hoped he would see it was me, and just maybe miss me half as much as i missed him, i lost a bit.
Slowly you will feel better, just know that.Look to the future, and enjoy life, its sooooo short.
good luck