I am guilty.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
I am guilty.....
3
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:48am
I realize after reading so many of these posts that I am guilty of

being the "compartmentalizer" --- that I can go the few days between

phone calls and emails and I notice my "feelings" such as the I miss

you's and the You mean this much to me.... etc that is shared between

two people in such a relationship comes less out of my mouth and more

out of his ----

Is it because I am holding back for fear of knowing what this person

is capable of giving me ???

Or do I hold back out of fear of other things....I mean its crazy what

I feel for him - he says things to me and I am like....good grief how

does he KNOW how I feel - yet I can't make those words come out of my

mouth

He has a way with me that is unexplainable but when he is there, with me

looking at me I know he see's what I am trying to say

I just need to stop being such the "guy" in this relationship and get a

little bit more girlie and emotional - yet I think he likes it this way LOL

But that's me --- the compartmentalizer

You all may think it's easy for your MM --- but believe me it's confusing too !!!

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: iamkikki
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 3:26am
So what you're saying is that maybe our MM are holding back on their feelings? I told my MM ( I am MW) how I felt and although he said something to make me smile and laugh he did NOT say anything emotional or truly responsive to me. ( read my told MM feelings- his response post)

V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
In reply to: iamkikki
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 2:40pm
Yes V - he is probably holding back

Let me give you an example - my MM will openly and willing say those loving words -"I love you"....I will either 1 - giggle - 2 - say you're so sweet - 3 - you do !?!? or some other oddity that I swear is just the lamest thing to say -

at times he will say to me --- well maybe I tell you I miss you and love you too much

this is when I finally get some brains and will say - NO don't stop telling me those things -

he will say - maybe you are tired of me saying them or maybe they are losing their

meaning

granted it took him a LONG time to even say those words - (over a year into our EMA)

for me it took even longer but he knew when I said it I meant it -

He knows I am a hard shell to crack and that he loves the challenge -

I love his neediness and it makes me feel appreciated and wanted - so it compliments us in a way

Hope this helps

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
In reply to: iamkikki
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 3:39pm
Kikki, even though I wrote the thread about wishing to compartmentalize more, I think even though I have a hard time compartmentalizing when we're NOT together, I do when we are.

I remember when we were still early in our relationship, we were talking about our spouses. I said mine was definitely the "pull", and I was the "push" in the relationship. My H would be happiest if I sat next to him 24/7. I, on the other hand, need my independence.

I think he took that as a clue to not get too close to me too fast. The other night when we were together, I told him I think about him a lot. He seemed so happy that I said that. I thought it was obvious, but his reaction made me feel like I haven't expressed those feelings well enough to him.

He puts out a lot of "bait" for me that could turn our discussions more serious and relationship-oriented. I dont really expand on his bait like I should because I have this wall around me and in the moment with him, I don't have time to think of a response that would be appropriate.

But like you, Kikki, I want HIM to be the one initiating all the emotional talk. It's partially an ego thing, partially not wanting to be the overly emotional female in the relationship, partially keeping the thrill of the chase alive and strong.