I am having a tough time right now.....
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I am having a tough time right now.....
| Tue, 10-21-2003 - 11:24am |
I have posted before, but need to post again to vent my feelings. I am the married woman and my OM is single(divorced twice). I have three teenagers, the youngest 17 and OM has no children, but he raised several step-children from his previous marriages. I am white and OM is black and we live in the south. We work together. OM has been in two bad marriages, so he is very cautious now in his relationships with women. We have been in an emotional affair for 5 years, on again-off again. OM does not want a relationship with me unless I am divorced. I told OM that I really didn't want to leave my marriage until my youngest child was 18. I told him once, earlier this year, that I would leave my marriage and then I got scared and backed out. Other than that one time, I have always said that I will stay in the marriage until the kids are grown. I have never been on my own, so the thought of that is very scary to me. I have a good and decent husband and we married right out of high school. Five years ago I met OM at work when his second marriage was crumbling. My story is like most everyone else's. We became fast friends and fell hard for each other and then he started to back away. Now, we go back and forth in our emotional feelings for one another. He tells me that he loves me, but doesn't want to be with me unless I am divorced. He just wants to be work acquaintances/friends as long as I am married. OM is the love of my life. I love him with all of my heart. He knows how deep my feelings are for him. He is always very professional with me at work and he controls his feelings in front of others. He's not good at showing emotions, but the couple of times that we were alone early in our EMA, I could tell that he cared. Now, I am having a hard time because he is dating again. He is dating two different women. At first, he tried to keep it quiet and didn't want me to know, but I found out anyway. One of them has a bunch of kids, so that really blew my mind. I don't know what to do. I need to make up my mind about him, my marriage, my life, everything. I am just hurting and very scared. I don't know what to do. I know that he cares about me, but then I hear about him dating other woman, and it makes me wonder if he really loves me. How can he date others if he loves me? I know that he is single and he has the right to date. I know in my heart that I want to be with him, but I am very scared. Just need some feedback today.

Edited 9/20/2004 2:16 pm ET ET by seansluv