i am in love with my brother in law

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
i am in love with my brother in law
11
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 11:53pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 3:56am

Hi Vas,


Sorry for your loss.


Are you in love with your BIL, or the fact that he is 1/2 of your deceased husband? Does being with BIL remind you of time spent with H?


Really, really think about what you are embarking on. I know none of us having affairs are "right", but you are dancing on dangerous ground...this IS family.


Huge difference, sweetie.


Good luck to you in your decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2009
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 8:52am

I can totally relate to your situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 10:40am

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 11:03am

I think, you may be lonely and longing for the affection and touch a man has to offer.


Tread lightly here, and try to wait it out until THEY make a decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 2:15pm

If your BIL is D and is totally free to make commitments then maybe. I would caution against it though. I don't know if you've given yourself enough time to really grieve the loss of your H, hence, why you're trying to recreate and/or replace him for his brother.

I know in some society it is ok to turn around and marry someone in the family if your spouse dies so that the family assets stays put. But, that to me would be taboo. We shouldn't sleep with our spouse's brother/sister period. Like we shouldn't sleep with our best friends spouse. I believe, that once we marry into a family everyone in it "IS" family.

I think it's also inappropriate for your BIL to be flirting with you especially if he is still M. IDK, but If it were me, I'd nip this infatuation/fantasy in the bud. Your BIL suffered a great loss too, so he could just be pacifying his longing for his brother by seeking your company. I wouldn't turn that into an ugly affair.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 2:34pm
uhmmm WOW!

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2009
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 4:55pm
I have to agree with everyone but I undersand....... I have been in been in
cww adsdcSC FAFVVRE  FDDDDBEA DFGBFA
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 5:21pm

Sorry for your loss. I think you may very well have some transferrence going on here. Of course he must remind you of the husband that is gone. I understand that you must have confusing feelings. However.....please remember what you have said about his wife. She is your friend. Having an affair with one's friend is a very bad idea. It's a huge betrayal. I say leave them alone to sort out their problems. Don't get involved.

Time will answer your questions regarding the feelings you're experiencing. And putting emotional distance there is the best thing you can do to really see the truth.

Don't have an affair with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 9:26pm

I guess everyone is right. I wished that someone would have told me "your are not crazy for thinking and wanting the thoughts you are having to be true". Who am I kidding? I don't want to looked as the whore of the family. I wouldn't be a whore since I would not be sleeping with a married man. If anything ould ever happen between my BIL and I, it would 100% be after the divorce. That way, it would not be considered an affair but in the family's eyes, it would cause people like to stir up all sorts of assumptions like "they must have been together while he was married, blah, blah, blah".


Maybe you are all right. I know I am still not over my hubby. I still cry most nights before going to bed. It is true that my BIL and my hubby had a lot in common. Especially, their charm and good looks.


Maybe i did want to believe that i was his type and that there was a possibility that he may end up with me. I guess i am just still missing my hubby and want my BIL to hold me and kiss me the way my hubby did.


I guess, i should just let the BIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 1:00am

You WILL find another good man. In time. It just won't be your husband's brother. The husband of your friend.

Keep an emotional distance from him. And when you're ready, let yourself be open to someone else. He is out there. Just like you. Maybe even lost a spouse like you did. Be patient. Do your grieving. Hold tight to your values of being an honorable person. Don't even consider this affair. You will be oh so much happier in the future.

God bless you.

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