I am a MAJOR Eff up...not emotionally cut out for this.

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I am a MAJOR Eff up...not emotionally cut out for this.
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 3:14pm

I royally effed up this past Sunday and I said and did things that I never in a million years wished to do so or most importantly never wanted to say. Alcohol was a huge factor in what happened but it is still no excuse as to how I behaved, reacted and what I said.

I gave myself away. I went into a drunken rage and I described the OM that I had an affair with . Said some very mean and hurtful things to my BF of 7 years. I have no idea what I said and I don't want to know what I said.  From what BF has told me I described the OM but he won't tell me exactly what I said about him. That I admitted to having sex with him and I enjoyed it. Rubbed it in his face about how the OM compared to my BF is waaaayyy bigger than him in that department. I CAN NOT BELEIVE I said those things to him.  I have absolutely no idea exactly what I said. 

I don't know if I should contact the OM and ask that he NEVER again contact me. I saw him back in July and he deleted my contact from his phone in front of me. But my number was still on his phone because of us texting. I sent him a text that same day he deleted my contact asking that he delete my number and text messages from his phone. Didn't get a reply or anything so I thought that that was the end of us. The OM out of nowhere texted me about 3 weeks ago and I basically went running to him.

I don't know what my deal is!?! I know I love my BF. He is a GREAT person and he does not need to be put through this or treated this way. He told me this morning that he hopes that whomever I had sex with is not someone that he knows or that he lives in our city. UGH...not only does he live in our city but he lives less than 6 minutes away from us.  I am denying what I said and all I can tell my BF is I have no idea as to why I would have said those things to him. 

I effed up. I feel like crap. All I feel like doing right now is going to sleep and never waking up...

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 4:29pm

Ok, so you effed this weekend.  And you admitted things to your bf.  How are things going since all then?  How is your bf acting?  Have you seen OM lately?


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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

What was the issue going on at home?  What did you want with the OM?  IMO never put your business on the street.  That means never ever trust in a friend to keep a secret.  It could be that drinking and you may not mix.  I have friends who do not drink for that reason that they become not so nice when drinking.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007

The things you were fed up with at home... has any of that changed?  Is it possible there are things eating away at you with BF and on some level you wanted him to know you're unhappy?

You're not an evil person.  It sounds like you have a lot of bottled up emotion, and alcohol never goes well with that.  You're probably laughing it off with BF because it's all so overwhelming.  Whether to tell the truth or not is a very personal choice.  My 2 cents is if he's going through all these emotions and will have a hard time trusting you, you may as well lay it all out there in order for you both to heal and move forward.  But I can also understand denying it if your A was short & meaningless.

We're all here to listen.  It's much better to let it all out here than turn it inward and become more depressed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 9:50am

I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing but please try not to be so hard on yourself. You are only human and we all make mistakes. Have you tried looking at this as a blessing in disguise? Although you both are going through the motions now I think since you put it all out there that he is now aware of the pain you were going through. You had alot on your plate and not to mention you were caring for his 2 children which is admirable. He is fortunate to have someone like you who can look after his kids while he's away for 2 weeks. It would hurt me deeply if he wouldn't want to marry me but yet your good enough to care for his kids. You had underlying issues with him before the affair and now its all out in the open.

We are all shades of major !@#$% up and we each have our own demons that we deal with. You are not the only one to blame in your relationship. Your boyfriend has his faults as well and they both need to be addressed. I'm not condoning why you were seeing someone else but I can understand that you were vulnerable and needed that escape. You feel guilt and have remorse and that's a good thing. You seem to want to continue with your BF so move forward and try to see if he's willing to repair this relationship with you.

You can't change the past, what's done is done. So try not to dwell on how things went down and work on ways of trying to improve you and move on from this. This doesn't define you. There's a lesson to be learned and your a work in progress.

Wishing you all the best!



Much peace & Love,