I am New - Please read my story & Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
I am New - Please read my story & Help!
13
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 7:23pm
I really hope someone can help me. I am in my 30's, married 11 yrs., 2 kids, I have a pretty good husband, I am for the most part happy with him. I have been having affairs since practically day one of our marriage off and on. I am addicted to the passion big time. I have never wanted to leave my husband for any of these guys and most of the time pick ones that aren't even that goodlooking cause then I may fall for them. My latest (4 months) has been a complete nightmare, not fun at all like my other ones. He has been a real challenge.... once he knew he got me. He picked me out, pestered me until I gave in. He is 12 yrs. older than me, we work in the same department. He is very controlling and tells me all the time that I can't control this relationship and that I am a spoiled brat and drama queen and to "relax" when I get upset about how hard it is for him to get out. I am sorta trying to end it with him but something in me won't let it go, but then again he won't let me let it go when I have tried numerous times to tell him I am done with the b.s. Sometimes we go for quite a few weeks without getting together cause things just don't work out and he can't get out as easy as me. I wanted to get your opinion of what you think this guy is like cause he sometimes can be so mean in the way he calls me spoiled and controlling which I am but in my opinion so is he. He cuts me off on the phone alot cause he is busy, doesn't call back but then gets worried when I "give up" and then he starts trying again.

He got caught cheating about 14 yrs. ago and has not had an A since then (I really do believe him) he is being REALLY careful - to the point of too careful so its not fun at all. If he got caught she would divorce him probably. I don't want my MM as anything more than some "fun" so I don't want him to get caught either, that would be terrible for him. I think I have sorta fallen for him cause I am always crying over him, constantly thinking about him. The thing is, I wouldn't "want" him if both our marriages ever crumbled cause he is so controlling and we would clash big time cause I am not used to someone being that way. My husband has no ambition and I am used to being in control so of course, me being that way, I am trying to control this affair and he won't let me and plays these stupid games to as he says "teach me lessons that I can't control this relationship".

Sometimes my married man says really nice things to me and then I am confused again. What do you think about this comment he said once when he was teasing me about being spoiled and controlling, he said "a couple of years with me and I will straighten you out" do you think he meant that he wants this affair to last that long? also, he always wants me to tell him that he is the best lover I have had and always asks me if he is better than the others. He always wants me to compare other men with him. It is obvious he is competing. There is something about him that drives me crazy and it can't be his looks and his personality kinda sucks so what is going on, why can't I just be casual with him and not be so possessive.

A few weeks ago I went into his office, closed the door and asked him to be totally honest with me cause he was ignoring me and not calling for awile, if he wanted to carry on this A and I was really nice about it and casual like I didn't really care if he said it was over but all he kept saying was "I am fine with this" and I told him and I was not going to throw myself at him anymore and he said "you don't have to do that anyways" and I said again.... "just please be honest, just tell me if you can't handle it" and all he kept saying was "I am fine with this" and then he went on about what his problem was lately and it was about one of his kids and he doesn't want me involved with it and he has been miserable at home cause of it lately and that it is not fair to me to be brought into his problems and that he doesn't need my advice.

Sometimes when I see him at work he has a real "love" look on his face but then turns right around the next day and either ignores me or cuts me off on the phone, what is up with him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 9:36pm
straighten you out ?? I think he is the one that needs to be straighten out !!

Be strong don't let him play you like that .

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 11:34pm
Wow, funny how someone else can be in the same situation (mess)... You are all so right, I just needed to hear it from lots of people I guess to really sink in just how mean MM is. This is what I am going to do... ignore him, no more childish games, and hope that he gives up - I hope I won't be tempted when he calls next. If I can get my mind on someone else who treats me nice then why don't I. This other MM will be difficult to see cause he is across the city from me - unlike the mean MM who lives 3 minutes away, but we will probably do drinks after work soon and he is trying to come skiing the weekend I am going with a girlfriend so hopefully I can forget about mean MM!!!

Spoiled drama queen!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 11:49pm
He probably won't give up easy . Because it seems he likes to play these games with you and feel the power and control over you . He sounds like a person who can obsess . You really need to be strong !! Do not answer his calls ! Don't return his calls !!Don't answer his emails and don't go to his office . If he is passing by, look the other way .


Even if you don't have another MM , don't be weak for attention . Some will say , well some attention is better then no attention .......well in this case who needs the type of attention he gives you .


Just because you put up with it in the past , doesn't mean you have to still put up with it . Open a new page in your life as a strong women who will not take this BS .

Have a fun trip with your GF . You don't always have to have a man by your side to have fun . Learn to enjoy your own company and the company of your girlfriends , your happiness shouldn't depend on a man .

I hope my forwardness can help you to be strong ......and I don't think you are spoiled at all ;-) Good luck !

xoxo ViperDiva

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