I am psycho, obsessed, sad woman

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
I am psycho, obsessed, sad woman
13
Sat, 11-08-2003 - 4:51pm
I just feel sometimes like I have all the strength in the world, and somedays, like crap. Today, again, NC; sent him a text message yesterday.... while at the club with a friend. was feeling less than i envisioned during the day. Felt, old, (26) fat ( thats a usual one.. ) and just horrible. Dh was at home, no doubt surfing the net, giving me is full support to go out and have fun, but just felt like a leper.

Girls in the bathroom, all trying to look their best for who, for what.. i just stood there looking at them, thinking about why i was there.. to have fun but couldn't do it. The music was great, even heard joy division ( my favorite.. ) but just wanted a pick-me -up. Drinks weren't strong enough, didn't even get a buzz from anything, and guys seemed to smell the desperation, and steered clear. I wasn't desperate for them though ( loosers.. ) just in this situation.... send OM an email today, and a text that i emailed him.. ( we do that sometimes.. )

but i just need to feel like a happy, normal woman again.. wonder if his mom has passed, wonder if his dog passed, heck, i wouldn't know if he passed as its going now.. feel like such a BIG FAT Zero.. Dh is so sweet.. just reading his book on the couch, and comes over to hug me, every few hours, so content, and i am a basket case.. just needed to vent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-09-2003 - 12:18pm
Hi Mikko,

I think if everyone were honest with their selves they would admit to days like yours. I can say I've BTFT (been there, felt that), temporary low self-esteem. Who can be strong all the time?

We all have *props* that help sustain us while on that stage, whether it's a person (friend, family, lover, etc.) or material thing (chocolate, fast car, etc.) or ethereal thing (daydream, music, writing, etc.). While everyone is in effect acting out their own lead role, we are also dependant upon, and dually acting as, supporting participants.

At times I need to remind myself I am not the only lead in my life - there is an abundance of other people and things which requires me to be a part. And also in each performance there are other people and things that I require.

The best is to be able to understand, appreciate and gain from the poor as well as good scenes - and to learn that props are a necessary supporting part when not overused. It's the whole sum and balance of all things, from the backdrops to the orchestra to the performers that builds a great play - not one person or material thing on it's own.

Don't look for happiness or contentment or fullfillment in any one thing or ideal, but from many things. In this way, when one starts to wane or suddenly/temporarily vanishes, there are other aspects for balance. And remember when one experiences happiness/contentment/fullfillment, we have also subconsciously chosen to experience the sorrow/frustration/emptiness - opposites for, again, balance.

"All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players.

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages."

(Shakespeare)

You aren't psycho Mikko, just human! Thanks for the chance to ramble (my prop!) - I hope your day is a good one.

Meow

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Sun, 11-09-2003 - 12:43pm
nice to hear. thanks for your kind words, i was beginning to think that just about everyone or thing has left me for the moment, including this board.. thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Sun, 11-09-2003 - 1:21pm
mikko

There's not much I can add (as Meow's post said it all -- very eloquently, I might add!:) except to say hang in there. I’ve been there too, and it will pass. When you’re in the midst of it, those ‘down’ feelings feel like they will never end -- but they do.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Like Meow said, you are human.

And by the way, 26 is YOUNG!!:)

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Sun, 11-09-2003 - 1:57pm


Dear MIkk,


if you are a psycho obsessed sad woman then so are we all my dear!!

Some days I am used to the ups and downs of all this and I just go on and others

I feel I've been kicked in the stomach.

Wish I could give you a hug, know that you are not alone, some days are harder

than the rest.. be kind to yourself, it will get better.


Deb

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Sun, 11-09-2003 - 3:35pm
Hey, i'm exactly like that. normally i can be pretty strong but seem to be slipping and feeling down right now. but i do use props actively to divert myself - going out with friends, books, movies, family, etc - on the outside i have a full life - u couldn't tell by looking at me there's anything wrong. my motto is do whatever's necessary to keep myself as happy as possible under all circumstances... not always possible though. i've read women's mood swings may have soemthing to do with our monthly cycles too!!!:O)

but good luck and hope you can get out of it somehow. i have a feeling your guy will be in touch eventually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 10:53am
Mikkolover...

I have not posted on this board in a while...BUT I AM PSYCHO, OBSESSED, SAD WOMAN got my attention - I thought u were talking to me!!

Girl...your young hell im 28 and feel like that alot especially recently. The only thing I can say - even though its easier said then done...

DONT HAVE UR LIFE REVOLVE AROUND A MAN...not worth it.

ENJOY URSELF...You cant expect to make anyone happy if you cant make yourself happy. I have learned that the hard way - and still struggling!!

I was happy and outgoing just as happy as can be when I got my D but hell met a MM and it was all fun and dandy - till feelings get involved...its hard...

THE ONLY THING I CAN SAY IS PLEASE - dont let urself go NO MAN IS WORTH THAT. Im trying to take that advise myself!! and go out clubbing and enjoy I know its hard im just like you sometimes not interested we are so hooked on someone else. Then I ask myself WHY? Shouldnt they be here by me. WHERE THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY!

I wish you the best.

-TXSANDY

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 11:33am
Thank you to you all!!!! I have read through your kind words again today and feel so good hearing it all. I have still not heard from OM, and think about it a lot, but this time.. ( no fooling.. ) I WON*T CALL him. Have sent emails this passed saturday, and text messages, and just know that i have dont ALL I CAN DO!!! Mentally, i feel like a mess sometimes, and want to call him, and feel so good knowing that there are others who feel this way too. Maybe not as often as me, but enough..

The crappy part is that I love my DH, dearly in fact, and know that he is the ONE forever, so why am i wasting my time. I try to tell myself that a little attention from someone I had an attraction and connection with can't be worth loosing this man that women would literally kill for. I know that. I come home from thinking of OM and why my phone isn't ringing and see this man, and think, what is it all for. My single friends would give their legs for this man, and Í am neglecting him for a ghost.. just my two cents, sorry for rambling again, i have a tendency to do this when i am alone.. thanks for listening..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 11:42am
Mikkolover...

DO YOU LOVE UR DH??

Why did you split up to begin with??

Dont let you being alone fool you.

Just recently my EX said some very sweet things...and I cried...cuz I was telling him about MM. OMG I felt so bad. AND I CRIED ALL NIGHT...and its crossed my mind.

BUT I WAS UNHAPPY WITH HIM...he might be nice and sweet and great to my son who he is not the biological father...but between us there was nothing...I had no love. I do not want to settle becuase in the long run I feel EX deserves to be happy with a woman that trully loves him.

Just a thought...




Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 11:51am
sorry, i wasn't clear. I am still married, and OM is married with two kids and a mother thats dying. We met at a wedding in the netherlands, ( where i have been living for 6 years) but it was just that day, ( and another strange meeting at another wedding 4 1/2 years ago.. ) but I live in finland now. He knows that. Moved here with DH, bought a house, trying to find teaching work etc.. ´From the day we were together he said his mom was dying. COuld be years or months, but the passed month he has pulled away big time and i have talked to him about this, told him i deserve better etc...two weeks ago he was on msn chat and said he supports my decision, and that he cant see his mom die and build somethign with me at the same time.. i gave him space.. i thought, hoped, but seemed to get nothign back at all. not even one message in 4 days, while in the beginning tehre were calls and emails all the time... 10 per day even at our distance-

i feel that he may be using his mom as an excuse, or maybe its his total consuming thing.. i don't know anything about his life anymore. Then last monday he came on msn, and was talking about how great it would be to see eachother again, and that we will be spending the entire time in the bath.. then all week now NC. I just don't get him.. feel like a psycho stalker and will have to focus on myself this week. Will call next week though... thanks.. btw do you have msn, we can chat sometime....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 7:00pm
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Edited 9/20/2004 1:55 pm ET ET by seansluv

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