I am so angry & hurt............

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
I am so angry & hurt............
4
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 12:24pm
As some of you know, I was to see my OM today in class. (brief history....we're not in an A, just on the verge. His GF found out about me last Thursday but nothing has happened between us). He had sent me an email on Saturday saying that we couldn't be friends or talk anymore, which I assumed he wrote to please his gf. Then he told me on Monday that things were ok and that I didn't have to ignore him in class. On Tuesday, I ran into him briefly but we talked and things seemed ok. So judging from what he told me, I assumed that everything would be "ok" today when we had class together. I got there early, and sat in the same spot that we always sit in together. AS the class began and he still hadn't shown up, I figured he just missing class today for some reason. We have to hand in our lab reports at the beginning of each lecture and I went down to pass mine in and I saw him. We stood 5 inches from each other and he totally ignored me!! He went and sat somewhere else without even as much as a glance at me. What the hell is up with that??? I am so upset. I left class at break time because I couldn't stand the thought of him being so hurtful towards me. I don't know what to think. Why would he do that?? Why, if he really did decide to work things out with his gf, why couldn't he have emailed me earlier and told me that? Instead he makes me look like an idiot by totally ignoring me....it was like a slap in the face. I don't know what to do. I'm venting here to stop me from writing a horrible email to him. (which I'll probably still do anyway). I just don't know why he wouldn't be honest with me and tell me that he really wanted to work things out and that we really shouldn't be friends. I would be ok with that. It's the two different attitudes I'm getting from him. I don't know what to think. Screw it....I'm writing him!!

Thanks for listening!

"Blue"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 1:25pm
wow what a jerk. a 'hi' would have even been nice..just to acknowledge you exist. stay strong..keep us updated
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 2:07pm
It's possible, since he spoke to you on the other occasions, that he felt "on display" in front of the class like that. I'm just going by what I read in your post but he could feel as though gf has an eye on him and who knows whether she might know someone in class or not. As far as he knows, she could have asked someone to see if he spoke to you or maybe even if that didn't occur to him, he still feels "watched" right now based on what happened. If he hadn't e-mailed you or spoken to you Monday, it would be a different story. Of course it's also possible that between Monday and today his girlfriend threatened him about talking to you. Still, you need to know where you stand here. If you aren't going to be speaking to each other, you need to know so you won't make a fool of yourself. Good for you for getting up and leaving during break. You know good and well he wondered where you went. Just remember, just because he's acting a certain way doesn't mean his feelings have changed. It just means that getting caught scared the be-jeebers out of him and he's on guard right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 7:06pm
Thank you....you're probably right. I tend to jump to conclusions very quickly when it's entirely possible that he had a legitimate reason for doing what he did. But you guys well know that in situations like these, relationships such as we're all in, we wear our hearts on our sleeves and it's so easy to get hurt. I've calmed down alot since then and I did write him an email. So far I haven't heard anything but he's at work until later tonight. All I asked him in the email was to be honest with me. I said that I don't like games and I like to know where I stand...I hate being left in the dark on something. So, we'll see I guess. I don't know when I'll see him again. We only have class together once a week.

On another topic.....do you guys think that when you are in a marriage that has gone stale, you should try everything in your power to make it work before calling it quits?

Thanks again

"Blue"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 10:48pm
Never having been married, I can't provide an opinion based on actual experience, but I think the reasons for ending a marriage when it becomes stale, or trying everything within a persons power to work things out truly depends on the individual. Each person contemplating leaving a M has to decide when enough is enough. However, I honestly believe that a person thinking about seperation or divorce should walk away when they can do so without any regrets about the "what ifs" because there will always be "what ifs" involved.

And, Blue, I hope you hear some explanation from your OM regarding his behavior at class. There are so many things we can all assume, but only he knows whats really going on. Considering the two of you were friends, I think you deserve an honest answer and not to be left in limbo.

Hugs,

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika