I am totally confused..HELP
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I am totally confused..HELP
| Tue, 05-11-2004 - 7:49am |
Ok so I can;t believe this but I am totally considering ending my EMA. I don't know what has come over me. It certainly isn't b/c my H has stepped up tp the plate. I am just getting tired. MM was great on Friday and we talked all day. We had our usual NC for the weekend. He called twice yesterday so you would think I'd me feeling fine but I am not. I am just getting exhausted. I am tired of feeling like I always want to check my email to see if he's written. I am tired of waiting for my cell phone to ring (which does happen everyday). I am tired of wishing the weekends away so we can talk again. We actually got got into an arguement last night b/c of me. I am sure today he is annoyed. I just don't want to work at this so much. It should be easier. Of course I am scared to death to even tell him I need a little time, never mind I want to end it. I don't know what to do. I don't want to do or say anything I may regret! This is the first time in a year and a half that I have even thought like this. What should I do?

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Thanks again!
I know that it is hard to have NC, but I guess in A's, it's necessary some times.
I wish you all the best, and keep us posted! :)
((hugs))
Circe
But then I wonder...it seems odd to me that all of this fatigue comes right on the heels of him confessing his increasing need to be with me. Am I just bored, now that I don't feel I have to chase as hard? Is it just that the challenge is gone? I have given this a lot of thought, and though it may play a small role, I honestly believe that the true reason for this disinterest is emotional fatigue. I find it interesting too that you and I have been in an A for approximately the same length of time--it will be 2 years for me in July. Inasmuch as any aspect of an A can be predictable, I wonder if this is simply a normal drop of the rollercoaster, analogous to the 7-year itch or something.
Well, I don't think I've helped much, and I can certainly offer no advice since I'm in the same boat, but hopefully knowing that you're not alone on this one will help. And by all means, if you have any other grand epiphanies, ley me know--it's very likely they'll apply to me as well.
--Notso
I have been thinking the same thoughts as you, and for me, I can't live this way. MM is such a wonderful man, and a real joy in my life, but I swear, I can't live like this if it means the only time I feel "normal" is when I'm with him. It's been two days that I have been an edgy wreck, this is not good for me/us.
Do any of you have a clue why we are feeling like this? Do you think it's some type of chain reaction from visiting the board??? lol
Anyway, hang in their Briatan, and I agree with the others, focus on yourself, keep yourself busy doing thing you enjoy doing.
Hope these feels you are having pass.
I think that maybe a partial reason for this type of reaction is that A's are so intense. There's nothing else in our lives that is *that* intense for *that* long. On one hand, it's fun and exciting but I would imagine that our bodies also perceive it as stress. I think that there are times, under any intense situation, that our bodies and minds just need to take a break. You're obviously going through that right now and I guess the best way to deal with it is just to go with it. Give yourself some "you" time and do something fun and/or relaxing that doesn't have anything to do with the A. Take a mini mental vacation and then make your decision when you're feeling good about yourself and life in general.
Hugs to you!
Jess
it may be that you are afraid that if you ask him for the time he may never come
back - but truth is you may ask for the time - he may give it to you and then in
a few days or maybe a week or two you will have the answers you need to the questions you
have -----
it's hard ---
I have told/asked my MM to please let me have some time because I am uncertain of where
or what I want to happen next - I am in an awkward power position for once and it's
overwhelming - to think all I have to do is pick up a phone and dial his number
and say something when he answers -
The space has had it's up's and downs - my MM is somone I came to with all my problems - all my accomplishments and all my idea's and silly thoughts and feelings - without him there though I have found I can go to other people and realize I am not as alone as I had
felt in my life -
It's been an awakening of another kind - meeting MM was an awakening but this is another
of it's kind - I am on the down side of the 'needing space' and it's with all my will I
keep my hands off the phone
you may find it's not what you need after all - or you may find great relief (which I have at certain times)
Depending upon what your reasons are for needing space - you may just feel overhwelmed by it all and feel like you can't breath - but these reasons may help you define what you
really want and need from this R with MM -
you may decide it's been a good thing or you may decide the best thing for you is to move on with your life without MM -
either way we are here to support you
Kikki
I just wanted to add my two cents that if any of you are thinking of taking a permanent break, the height of the coaster is the perfect time to do it. The reason being ( don't want to sound cruel here but suggesting what’s good for the ladies) you can walk away knowing that you had him and that he wanted you but it was you that decided to end it. It’s a much more comfortable feeling that way.
IMHO
PG
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