I am in a weird situation. Would really like some help please. Thank you to all replies x
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|Wed, 08-22-2012 - 10:58am|
Hi all, my first post...well here goes..
A little background info..I am 26, currently living with my lil girl and her dad, have been with him for 7 years. I say 'her dad' and not 'partner' because we are not in a physical or emotional relationship together. A lot has happened in the past. He cheated on me and has treated me like rubbish, so all my feelings towards him have totally switched off,forever. We purely stay together for our daughter. She has special needs so we have made an agreement that it is important for both of us to stay together and support her. Everything has been great so far. Our girl is our number one priority and we stay civil towards each other, although inside I am quite depressed at it all and very unhappy to not love and be loved back truly but I put on a brave face for the world...
Now to my current situation...Recently, within the last 2 months, I started talking to a guy whose 2 children go to the same school as my daughter. Saw him morning and evening when we dropped off/collected our children. We were drawn to each other in a way I can't explain, hit it off straight away and felt we had known each other as friends for years. There is an 18 year age gap, he is the older partner. We exchanged numbers and then the school holidays started so we knew we couldn't see each other as frequently. The bad part of the story is he is engaged to his partner that he was living with, the mother of his children. He did tell me this but I continued to text him, as friends.
Well his fiancee went on holiday a few days after the school holidays started, to see family, with the kids and this guy was left at home. During this time we started texting every day, almost all day and we became even more close,still great friends. We also met up a lot and now know a lot about each other. We found out we share the same dreams and we have plenty in common. We did, after a great night out the other day, have sex and it was amazing, our souls connected and it felt like it was meant to be. This is the day I fell in love with him. We still continue to get on really well and text all the time. We both admitted we have strong emotional feelings for each other, that it is not just a case of lust and are physically attracted to each other too BUT he tells me he is happy with his life, how it is at the moment.
He is getting married in a couple of weeks, it was all planned last year. He has now left to go and join his fiancee and kids to prepare for the wedding. When I asked him (just curious of the answer), 'what if you don't get married', his reply was ' but it's all been planned now'.. He tells me that he will be thinking of me the whole time he is gone and as soon as he gets back we will see each other again. Another time he went out with his friends and the whole time he text me, saying he just needed to and he cannot get me out of his mind..he told his best friend about me in the end who I have met and we all enjoyed each others company, had a great night.
I do feel extremely guilty about what I have done and gotten into but at the same time this guy is absolutely PERFECT in my eyes, even if he isn't mine. He made me realise that not all men are mean and nasty and disrespect women. I cannot just stop seeing him, he has made me so happy within the past 2 months. I'm not just talking about the special intimate night, just texting him about anything and everything really brightens up my day, and his too he says. We are great, great friends who just happen to be sexually attracted too.
I realise that I should not be staying involved with him and I feel for his fiancee but I cannot just end this, it would make me even more depressed. I feel fate brought us together and made us meet for a reason. I really don't want to remove him from my life, so maybe I am thinking friends with the occassional benefit now and then? I have told him 'let's stop seeing each other' (again curious of his answer') and his reply was 'I cannot imagine not speaking to you or meeting you again now. I still want you in my life. Who knows what will happen in the future')... He also told me with feeling that if he wasn't with his current partner he would no doubt have chose me to be his partner for life.
I know to you all it will probably sound like a case of he is having his cake and eating it but I KNOW deep down he is not that type of 'player' person and he has a wonderful personality, has had a brilliant childhood,nice family, well educated etc. He is content with his life at the moment, I guess I am with mine but we both make each other extremely happy when we contact each other. I guess it's that little happiness that is missing from both of our relationships, that both of us can provide each other with and our lives feel complete. Is it possible to just meet now and then, maybe be physically intimate and stay in our relationships. Has anyone ever done this and have a happy story to share? Just felt I needed to get this off my chest, am too ashamed to tell ANYONE (I know instantly I will be called a home breaker or whatever the term is and he a 'player' but we are both not like that at all, I wouldn't have dreamt of getting myself into this situation at any time in my life) It just happened, for a reason, I don't know why yet..just need some advice on what to do please. We cannot end what we started,we cannot be fully together at the moment but have very strong,TRUE feelings for each other. Am interested in everyone's opinions. Thank you x