I asked him to make a decision
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| Sun, 10-26-2008 - 11:29am |
My AP (who is M) and I known each other for almost a year, been together since June. I am recently separated with my H, and my A is the usual one - with high and lows, with all crazy happiness and frustration that all of us here know. My H wants to reconcile, at this point I am undecided if our R is completely over, we still have a lot in common and not totally disconnected. Of course, with AP in a picture, I am stuck in this situation, not knowing which direction to move - either to reconcile with my H, or get divorce and start dating and find something that will work for me.
So last time I saw my AP I asked him what he is going to do about out situation. He said he loves me too much to let me go out of his life. I asked him, does he think he'll be leaving his home. He said he does not know, they've been together for 20 years and he has nothing bad to say about his W. I told him if he is sure he won't leave, I need to know this so I can make my own decisions. He said he is not sure. I told him I won't push for anything right now because holidays are coming and I don't want to make it hell for everybody involved, but he should start thinking about his plans for the future, and he promised me that.
I feel so low. He is spineless coward. He loves me, but he is afraid to come out and tell his W and look like and A#$hole to her and kids.
I will wait til the end of the year, after that if he won't make a decision, I will have to make one. In December will be 6 months of us being together...that is as much as I'm willing to put in relationship that goes nowhere. If I would be happy with our arrangements, that would be one thing. But I am not. I am lonely, depressed and frustrated most of the time.
I just hope I will have enough strength to go with it...Anyone else been in this situation?

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I want to commend you for having the strength to leave your H, even if your A was what pushed you enough to actually do it.
Obxbell, you put it in so nicely. My husband makes me feel SAFE. Not happy, but safe. I know he loves me and cares for me. He always was there for me. If I will put enough effort into it, we may try to make M work, but I need to finish A first and get over AP, otherwise I'll never know for sure if I did the right thing and doubting myself may throw me back to AP, and this will never end.
I do love my AP and wish we could be together, but I am reaching the point where there is nowhere to go for me.
Do you still talk to your AP? How did he take your reconciling with your husband? Does he regret his missed chance to be with you?
Edited 10/29/2008 10:05 am ET by vivaciousgirl
Things ended with EAP almost 2 months ago.
I'm on the same page with both of you gals.
Exactly, and when we have the ball and we're pissed, we tell them to leave us alone, and then if they do, we want to take it back.
Viv , your original post repeatedly says you have not decided what you are going to do about your marriage. You, too, are a coward, actually, because you want to wait for your AP to make his decision before you make yours to divorce or not.
You may be separated, but you know your H
Wants you back, you can go back, you are STILL married and you are considering to go back.
Your AP probably knows that and is also unsure if he should risk everything for
You when you may go back to get the
Financial benefit and comfort of feeling
Safe.
Sorry, but your
Perspective is off, and you are being very one sided in your view. Ut may help to take a step back and look at things...
Sdlost, you are being rather harsh and I think your perspective
Hi Obxbell
I am amazed how precisely you described my situation, there are really a combination of problems that I am trying to sort out and can't move on until AP will decide, one way or the other.
I just got off the phone with him, actually told him again how uncomfortable my position is and how unhappy I am with the whole situation. He said he is "thinking" about what to do. My close girlfriend just got a divorce, almost immediately started dating, seems to be very content with her life, and I feel almost envious, that's what I should be doing. Instead, I got out of one unhappy relationship, and found myself in another even more frustrating one. It is not fair. I even told him if I have not had feelings for him, I might of just take it for what it is and have fun, but I love him, and it makes everything much harder.
So he knows what's going on with me and that I am seriously waiting for him to decide what to do about us. We were not even able to meet except briefly at work for last few weeks (childcare issues on my side), so he said we will talk about everything as soon as we will get together in person, which will be this Friday or Saturday. He said he wants to spend the whole night with me (for the first time), so we'll get some quality time together.
(((Hugs))) and I added you to friends, thank you for your kind words and your support.
I agree with how you've summed up the situation.
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