I CAN leave........
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I CAN leave........
| Sat, 07-04-2009 - 11:15pm |
I have been involved with three mm. Each time they start out EXCITING...FUN...INCREDIBLE....!! These three mm could not get enough of me! The first left his wife for me...yikes that scared me, I was single at that time. The second was highly successful business owner who lived in an exclusive gated community. The third mm (which I am trying to end the relationship with) is a surgeon married to a very high profile woman.
In the beginning they (the mm) acted EXACTLY the same, as well as myself. Giddy, happy, excited blah..blah..blah. This went on for as long as I allowed it to. I tricked myself into believing these men loved me and that I was the most important person to them. I believed that I had "power" over them. I believed that we shared a "special" secret between us and that their spouses were in the dark. (Which they are)
What I have learned is that I am repeating a pattern. My mom was a dependent personality who had no relationship with my dad and I became her surrogate spouse. (no sexual abuse, just emotional). My mom told me "secrets" that my dad did not know. My mom took me with her when she met her lovers. My mom confided in me like I were an adult. My mom made me her "favorite" child of four. I am the second to the oldest. My mom bought me expensive jewelry, beautiful clothes and so forth. She did not do this for my other siblings. Needless to say, that as an adult, my siblings do not like me.
The difference with my mm is that I do not accept gifts or money. I am there just for the sex, companionship, and shared relationship.
My mom passed away a few months ago and it wasn't until I saw the recent episodes of HBO "In-treatment". A character named Mia wanted to have an affair with the therapist and her "story" came out. I balled my eyes out and saw myself...truly saw myself for the first time. I understand what it is that causes me to seek out these unavailable mm and I am finally ABLE to stop it. (I am married)
I don't know if this helps anyone. I searched for 27 years to try to understand why I did what I did. Now I know and I am so thankful to finally own my life again and not feeling like I have the power to make someone happy....just me.
p.s. I have not seen my mm for 1 month...but I am not perfect and I will be here until I feel strong enough to KNOW for sure I will not go back...I hope I do not and that I have learned my lesson.
Thank you for allowing me to share this.
In the beginning they (the mm) acted EXACTLY the same, as well as myself. Giddy, happy, excited blah..blah..blah. This went on for as long as I allowed it to. I tricked myself into believing these men loved me and that I was the most important person to them. I believed that I had "power" over them. I believed that we shared a "special" secret between us and that their spouses were in the dark. (Which they are)
What I have learned is that I am repeating a pattern. My mom was a dependent personality who had no relationship with my dad and I became her surrogate spouse. (no sexual abuse, just emotional). My mom told me "secrets" that my dad did not know. My mom took me with her when she met her lovers. My mom confided in me like I were an adult. My mom made me her "favorite" child of four. I am the second to the oldest. My mom bought me expensive jewelry, beautiful clothes and so forth. She did not do this for my other siblings. Needless to say, that as an adult, my siblings do not like me.
The difference with my mm is that I do not accept gifts or money. I am there just for the sex, companionship, and shared relationship.
My mom passed away a few months ago and it wasn't until I saw the recent episodes of HBO "In-treatment". A character named Mia wanted to have an affair with the therapist and her "story" came out. I balled my eyes out and saw myself...truly saw myself for the first time. I understand what it is that causes me to seek out these unavailable mm and I am finally ABLE to stop it. (I am married)
I don't know if this helps anyone. I searched for 27 years to try to understand why I did what I did. Now I know and I am so thankful to finally own my life again and not feeling like I have the power to make someone happy....just me.
p.s. I have not seen my mm for 1 month...but I am not perfect and I will be here until I feel strong enough to KNOW for sure I will not go back...I hope I do not and that I have learned my lesson.
Thank you for allowing me to share this.

I found your post extremely interesting and insightful as well.
My four year old daughter; I would guess she’ll become just like Mom and Grandmom.
My mom was a dependent personality who had no relationship with my dad and I became her surrogate spouse. (no sexual abuse, just emotional). My mom told me "secrets" that my dad did not know. My mom took me with her when she met her lovers. My mom confided in me like I were an adult. My mom made me her "favorite" child of four. I am the second to the oldest. My mom bought me expensive jewelry, beautiful clothes and so forth. She did not do this for my other siblings.
This is the perfect example of BAD parenting!!
I thought this was suppose to be a supportive environment?
Thank you for your rather interesting response runner1972. No, I do not rely on a cable program for my personal growth. It just happen I found something of value that helped me. It is like the puzzle piece that had been missing. One piece does not complete the puzzle.....it just brings the puzzle closer to completion.
Obviously she did not parent me as a good parent ought to. She did the best she could and I love her unconditionally. We all can not live in a perfect world and if we all did....we wouldn't be on this "board" now would we? ;)
My best to you.
Hi Wounded -
OK - first - you are right - this is a supportive enviornment - everyone here has been or currently is - involved in an A - and so we all come from somewhat of the same starting place.
However - the posts by both yourself and Becomingmymom - are indeed - as CatSmacks said - the saddest, most depressing thing I have ever read on this board - and trust me - in my time here - I have read ALOT!!
Now that you understand yourself and the why's of your A's I hope that you will be able to end your A. By the way, if you truly do intend to end this A I strongly suggest to go to the EAS board (ending the affair board) bc you will read alot on there that will help you- at least check it out while you are trying to not see MM. I was in 2 affairs with MM and am trying to end all communication with the second MM. It's very hard and while I have been over at the EAS board and they have helped me tremendously, I still cannot remain totally NC- no contact.
As someone else recommended to you, I think therapy would be a good thing. I know I need to be in therapy but you know how busy life can be...
Hope the best for you with ending the A completely. I know how hard it can be and in your case even harder since your mom had mutliple A's.
Hugs to you,
Tess