I chickened out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
I chickened out
4
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 10:12am
I didn't go out for my usual Thursday night with friends. I went to my dad's for dinner instead.

I just couldn't do it. I called around and none of the other girls were going and I hate being the only girl. Plus I heard my H was planning on going and I just didn't want the stress of being around him and OM at the same time.

I've got plans to go out with some friends tonight. Rumor is OM is going to be out of town with his girlfriend for a wedding. Probably better that way.

Too much confusing stuff going on right now. Last night I was completely sure I was making the right choice getting the divorce. Today I think if I hadn't had sex with OM, I might concider going to counseling with H again. I just don't know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 10:23am
I'm sorry, it sounds like you didn't have too good of a night last night. Hopefully tonight will be better for you.

I think if the thought of working things out with your husband comes into your mind you shouldn't let that go. Don't get a divorce unless you are 100% sure for a while. If you keep switching one way or the other the chances are you are you will regret either decision, even if you are making the right one.

Go out tonight with friends and try to take a step back from everything. Clear your head, relax, and have a fun time.

I hope things go better for you!

Hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 10:49am
Hey Celtic, I'm glad that you did end up going to your Dad's instead of staying home to stew over everything. It's very hard making a decision like the one you're facing. I had asked my H for a D over the Summer... Anyways, I chickened out and now we aren't getting one. I'm not ready yet.. I need time to figure that out for myself and you too. I hope you're okay and that you just relax and think about you right now. Good luck with your decisions! ~passion
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 10:50am
Thanks michelle,

The doubt has less to do with wanting to reconcile with H and more to do with being scared to death of getting divorced at 26 and after just 10 months. I know we made a mistake and I know that I can not find happiness in this marriage. Its just very hard for me to forgive myself for my mistake and it makes me feel like I have to stay with him and keep trying no matter how much of my own happiness I have to sacrifice. That's not the right reason to stay with a person. Its not fair to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 11:00am
You NEED to forgive yourself! Everyone makes mistakes and it's ok. I think that it is actually a good thing that you have only been married for 10 months and think you need to get out. That's better than finally figuring it out in 10 years and then feeling like you've wasted a lot of your life. You are young and can start over. Use your friends for support, they will get you through a divorce. You are right, it is not fair to you or your husband to stay in the marriage AND why should you sacrifice your happiness? You shouldn't. Now that I know more of your story... it sounds like you should leave. Don't give more or your life into something that is not good for you....

Hugs