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|Sat, 03-01-2014 - 7:41pm|
Hi, newly registered, but been a lurker for a while. I have been separated from my H for 3 years, been in A with a MM for almost 3 yrs. Knowing he will never leave his W, I started to deeply fall in love with him. He also says and shows he loves me and he is in love with me (ya i know!).
In the beginning I was very consumed by him. He was all I could think of. So deeply in love and my world was revolved around him. I was looking at him with “rose colored glasses”? I have 2 kids (joint custody) but when I did not have kids AP was all I could think of, dreaming about him. Summer of 2012, I found out AP was heavily lying to me about his age, where he lived, his R with his W, and where he vacationed with his family. Yet, he was able to convince me that he is head over heels for me. We work together and we spent every available time that I had together. Kids free after work hours, kids free weekends till 4am or so.
Knowing my A and AP's situation, I tried really hard to detach from him, pulled away a few times. I was very unsuccessful. Then I met a single guy last winter, I really liked him. I started seeing him on a regular basis, but I was not sure 100% about this new guy. He had lots of flaws, anger issues, drinking problems, you name it. I stuck with him because he was available. I had to make all kinds of excuses with AP so I could be with my new available guy. I also tried to break up with AP several times, but he would not let go of me, I told him I wanted more from my AP than what he was giving me, then he said he was leaving his W. I did not believe it at all, I still don’t. He would wait days, weeks, to spend just 10 min with me after work. I used to feel bad, because I did not tell him I was seeing someone else.
2 months ago, I broke up with my new guy since it was a struggle to keep up with him, and his behavior. I can’t avoid my AP since I work with him. Every chance he gets he would tell me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but not “just now”. He also says “just give me some time”. He never said that before, now since I have pulled away so much, he started to say those things. Now we are kind of back together, and I started to want more and more of him. And I’m hating it that he is someone else’s man. I should put an end to this I know, but I am not… I am seeing a therapist on a regular basis. But I am not being able to do anything to completely detach from my AP as he is everything I want in my man, yet he is NOT available.