Maybe he just realized, when you confessed feelings, the magnitude of the whole thing and the possibility for hurt and devastation.
In other words, maybe there was no "game" exactly, and maybe he didn't mean to lead you on.
Is he accepting the same responsibility for the whole situation as he's giving you?
What were you hoping for when you told him how you felt? Was this an EA so far that you were hoping to make a PA?
Maybe the bad feelings you have now are from failed expectations and disappointment more than anything else. I don't see any reason you should feel humiliated or used. He just started thinking about all the ramifications and maybe he steered you both away from an emotional disaster.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
I could have written your story myself. Dangerous flirtation w/co-worker EA for about a year Once discussion of possible intimacy was discussed, POOF he was gone. Thankfully NC for 6 months Creative scheduling helps avoid seeing each other. NC was the best thing for me. Could be for you too It is difficult but necessary
Hi Control. If there is feelings involved, it would not be wise to be friends with him. That line was crossed and it makes it hard to go back. Sounds like he realized what could happen if discovered. If your marriage can be worked on, I would concentrate on that. That is a sure thing right now. Good luck to you
He first wanted you to declare your feeling which you did.What you get in return is nothing but him backing off( yeah,doing the right thing !) .Now he wants you to be friends? he will back off from that as well,i promise.he will surely have another excuse for that!
What i am saying is that you are just feeding his ego and he is getting a thrill out of this.
His game is nothing but get his ego stroked which you are doing.
Yes, I can't believe he tricked me into confessing my feelings. Not sure what he wanted. I guess he just changed his mind.
You are right. He wants his ego stroked. How do I get rid of him without my H finding out? I am also at fault and must take responsibilty as well.
My H would never forgive me as he thinks OM is so beneath me. He would be apalled that I developed feelings for him and allowed OM to speak to me in such lovey dovey ways.
We can't be friends though and I need to send this message to OM.
Tell him point blank that you dont want to be friends.Check out the EAS for a better strategy if this doesnt help.
I have followed your story and guess in this case its more of his pursuing you that you fell for it.I also think that once the blame game begins then the love was never there.Period.one can always slip especially if someone is pursuing you hard.
Change your job.If your AP is beneath your H, tell him his lack of ability to perform his job well and get him fired.
but this guy doesnt sound he will leave you alone even if you do either of the above.
Thankyou for your response and your interest. I really need all the support I can get.
I am very confused and don't know how to handle this situation.
Firstly, OM was hired by my H and I to consult on a project. My H dislikes him as a person but admires his work.
My H has warned me not to get too friendly with OM and yes he pursued me. Over a 1 yr ago he told me how he felt. I did not respond, but we got closer and are you could say best friends.
I should not have allowed that. But now there are so many feelings involved. Why did he tell me he loved me and wanted to make love to me last week and then say no this week.
This is the first time I have confessed how I feel and I feel very rejected.
Anyway, I decided not to talk to him yesterday. Within 40mins, he had called my phone 10 times. there was a break for about 1 hr and he resumed. I took the call, and he said he was just checking on me. Ridiculous.
I told him I wasn't feeling well. He hasn't called since. If he was so concerned wouldn't he call.
What if something was wrong with me and my H saw my phone with so many missed calls from him.
Don't let him control you. Don't take his calls and delete the missed calls I think you may have to fess up to DH and that may not end well but will get OM out of the picture. It is apparent due to your job, that you cannot go NC. That is why telling DH may be the only viable option. Stay strong, it will be a bumpy ride. OM sounds like a predator Once thrill of chase is gone, he's done. This was my case. He flattered, he called me at work, he got me to take the bait and then POOF once things looked like they could be headed toward a PA and IC was imminent, he was gone. Allegedly, guilt ridden. I learned that he cheated on his DW 6 months after they were married (he told me himself)with an "old friend" Serial cheater to say the least. Best of luck.
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Maybe he just realized, when you confessed feelings, the magnitude of the whole thing and the possibility for hurt and devastation.
In other words, maybe there was no "game" exactly, and maybe he didn't mean to lead you on.
Is he accepting the same responsibility for the whole situation as he's giving you?
What were you hoping for when you told him how you felt? Was this an EA so far that you were hoping to make a PA?
Maybe the bad feelings you have now are from failed expectations and disappointment more than anything else. I don't see any reason you should feel humiliated or used. He just started thinking about all the ramifications and maybe he steered you both away from an emotional disaster.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
Yes, In all honesty, maybe I did want a PA. It has always been an EA
It was last week he told me he wanted to make love to me and asked me if I wanted him to. I didn't answer. I was so scared to say yes.
This week I did.
So I guess I am very confused about his two sidedness.
Can we remain just good friends, the way he wants it?
He first wanted you to declare your feeling which you did.What you get in return is nothing but him backing off( yeah,doing the right thing !) .Now he wants you to be friends? he will back off from that as well,i promise.he will surely have another excuse for that!
What i am saying is that you are just feeding his ego and he is getting a thrill out of this.
His game is nothing but get his ego stroked which you are doing.
tell your H and get rid of this loser.
Thankyou for your response.
Yes, I can't believe he tricked me into confessing my feelings. Not sure what he wanted. I guess he just changed his mind.
You are right. He wants his ego stroked. How do I get rid of him without my H finding out? I am also at fault and must take responsibilty as well.
My H would never forgive me as he thinks OM is so beneath me. He would be apalled that I developed feelings for him and allowed OM to speak to me in such lovey dovey ways.
We can't be friends though and I need to send this message to OM.
Not sure how?
Tell him point blank that you dont want to be friends.Check out the EAS for a better strategy if this doesnt help.
I have followed your story and guess in this case its more of his pursuing you that you fell for it.I also think that once the blame game begins then the love was never there.Period.one can always slip especially if someone is pursuing you hard.
Change your job.If your AP is beneath your H, tell him his lack of ability to perform his job well and get him fired.
but this guy doesnt sound he will leave you alone even if you do either of the above.
Hi,
Thankyou for your response and your interest. I really need all the support I can get.
I am very confused and don't know how to handle this situation.
Firstly, OM was hired by my H and I to consult on a project. My H dislikes him as a person but admires his work.
My H has warned me not to get too friendly with OM and yes he pursued me. Over a 1 yr ago he told me how he felt. I did not respond, but we got closer and are you could say best friends.
I should not have allowed that. But now there are so many feelings involved. Why did he tell me he loved me and wanted to make love to me last week and then say no this week.
This is the first time I have confessed how I feel and I feel very rejected.
Anyway, I decided not to talk to him yesterday. Within 40mins, he had called my phone 10 times. there was a break for about 1 hr and he resumed. I took the call, and he said he was just checking on me. Ridiculous.
I told him I wasn't feeling well. He hasn't called since. If he was so concerned wouldn't he call.
What if something was wrong with me and my H saw my phone with so many missed calls from him.
Pages