i don't even know anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
i don't even know anymore
6
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:05am

Haven't written in a while, but I feel the need too.


I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know exactly what to think about us.


4 years into this and I guess this is our first "real slump". We've had others, but this one seems different. He has called me on his way home from work and like clockwork we would have our "fun, play talk", but lately there's been no talk for a few weeks, maybe a month. I think. He still calls on his way home, but now he complains about work and just doesn't seem in a good mood.


He's been under a lot of pressure at work among other things. Has been in a grouchy mood, but instead of being happy to talk to me. He's just been grouchy and irritable. There use to be 2 or 3 emails a day while he was at work, but now there few and far between. I've mentioned it to him and he said he doesn't have time anymore because of work.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:59am
Have you talked with him? I guess you have already, since he's telling you it's work. But it seems like something is up. I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like he's trying to end things. 5 months is a long time. Tell him you need to have one last talk with him, and tell him you want the truth, and if he needs to end things, let you know, so that you can move on. Girl, i hate to see you wasting time away. He may either be working things out at home with the w, or he may have a new girlfriend. But, maybe he is just wanting to end things. You won't know until you get to the bottom of it. And last but not least, don't spend your time thinking of him too much. Apparently, he hasn't respected you enough to stick around. So, respect yourself, and be happy. If it has been 5 months, and not much contact, i would leave and find someone else. Allow him time to explain, and that will give you some closure as to why. I would say, once you do find out, move on with your life, and put yourself first. If he's not doing a good job now, you are only going to continue to be hurt by him. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Good luck to you. Please let everyone know how it turns out. There are lots of good advice on here!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:39am
I see heavenly's point. And what she said could very well be true. But you know, it really could just be work. I understand the stressors of a job, and if you've been having an EMA with this man for 4 years, that's quite a relationship. Once you've been with someone so long, it's more than just sex and sex talk. She's right, I would ask him if he's having second thoughts about the two of you being together, but I know that my OM and I talk about everything. Our relationship is way more than just sex, and there are times when he's stressed or I'm stressed and sex isn't even an issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 1:11pm
hey hhmh -- honey, i'm an advocate of open, honest communication in a R/A.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 1:50pm
I see hear ya. Why don't ask the man right out - what is going on?? That way you will get your answer, if he is the communicative type. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 1:55pm

Thanks you guys.


I sent him a couple of emails about it this morning. He says the same thing. Work! I even left the door open about maybe this was his nice way of letting me go, but he says he's not and to try and trust him that it is work. He im'ed me so we got to have a little extra talk about this and he says he's not really in the mood for anything cause he's tired. He's been dealing with health issues too.


4 years and yes, this is more then a sexual thing. We can talk about other things, lol.


This has always been a LDA. It's been hard, but we've been continuning on as such.


I guess, I was thrown off because things have changed. I was worried. I can handle this if that's all it really is and he says it is so either I believe him or I don't.


4 years ladies. I'm not ready to let go. I don't want to, but you know how sometimes in the back of your head you start thinking about things. Maybe analyzing them too much. Maybe, I'm doing just that.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 2:01pm
You have been overthing, eh? We all do that sometimes, its OK. Four years a lot of time and it is hard to let go.