I dont know how much more i can take
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I dont know how much more i can take
| Mon, 03-29-2004 - 11:54pm |
I am so upset right now with MM, we have had NC plenty of times in our relationship but this is just too much. I dont know what he is even thinking telling me he loves me and then just shuts me out of his life. I dont even know if he is even okay. I am tired of MM playing with my emotions and feelings and then act like nothing is wrong. Last time we talked i asked him where did i stand with him and he said "good" but i want to see you more, what a bunch of crap. I am sorry everybody i'm just so confused and upset and i am just venting. Just got through with working out and it still did not make me feel better. I wish there was some hope that i will get to hear from him but i doubt it. I just sit here like a lost puppy with mixed feelings. I dont know if i want to just let this go because of all the drama or keep on putting up with MM's disrepectful attitude towards me and the A. I knew this wasnt going to be easy but MM is making it impossible. I have tried to just walk away but we always seem to get back together, i dont think i am strong right now to just tell him to take a hike. I am so in love with him and i cant stand it, i am tired of pacing back and forth trying to figure out what i need to do. Why cant he just either say i dont wont you and i regret i told you i love you and just break my heart because that is what he is doing now with NC. I am a very patient person and i have been there for him when he was going thru some really hard times and he knows that i am supportive of his decisions and he also knows i am not the type of girl who's going to have a A just for the sex. I just have all these thoughts like maybe he's cheating on me too, or she found out. ugh, this stinks and i feel it's only going to get worse if he doesnt wake up and realize it. i have been more there for him than his own W and that's saying alot. Anyways, i gotta go, sorry for all the rambling. hope things are good for everyone else.

Its ok to vent... that's what we're here for.
Being a MM on this side of the A... I don't have much in the way of worthwhile advice, I don't think.
However... if you really feel he is being disrespectful of your A and of you, then you deserve to have an explanation -- get one.
For me, if my OW asked for an explanation for any of my actions, I would want to do so to ease her mind. Personally, the longest NC we've been able to maintain was about 2 days in the past 6 or 7 months... and we started 2000 miles apart, then I was in the Caribbean on business for a week... still we found a way to talk almost every day.
I really feel for you... to not know where you stand is unfair. If he can't tell you, then he should at least let you know that and try to stay in contact (or tell you he won't be while he gets things straight, not just let you hang.)
Good luck... here to support if not advise...
rain
Georgiapeach, I totally sympathize with you. These MM are screwed up in the head I think, to treat us like this. They tell you one thing (I'm happy with this, I want to see you more). Then start NC? Just like that? What the h*ll is that all about??
I am totally baffled. There had better be some GOOD excuse that I can accept for this treatment. Like nothing short of a life-threatening accident!! Both arms broken and couldn't call/email.
Anyhow, I'm just venting now too. I've gone thru this a couple times before in the last few years. I think its either his "guilty" period he has to go thru, or else he's simply busy but still, he COULD AT LEAST SEND A MESSAGE!! SORRY (NOT)!! I do plan on telling him that its disrespectful and if he doesn't like me telling him that and stops seeing me, tough sh*t!! I deserve better and Georgia, SO DO YOU!!
Dusty