I don't know if this is right here???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I don't know if this is right here???
4
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 2:09pm
I have lurked here for a while and always thought about posting but just now had the nerve...

Anyway, I am not sure if what I am involved in would be considered an affair since we haven't seen each other in over 10 years but we communicate regularly by email and sometimes by phone, I am married 13 years, 2 very active kids. The OM is my soulmate(if you believe in that)we met in my late teens and hit it of immediately, spent all of our time together, my parents and family disliked him, I met somebody else(my family loved) and got married. My OM was devasted...we got together after my engagement a couple of times. He moved away (1000 miles) and we lost contact. I thought about him alot in the 10 years we were separated and one night I had a terrible dream about him that he was really sick...so I got up the courage and started lokking him up again...as it turned out he still worked th same place and lived the same place. I t was great to talk to him again, we talked about meeting someplace but never had the guts to do it. We have stayed in contact since then (its been about 2 years)

My question is this...Is this an emotional affair? I feel some of the sdame things you all feel.

There is alot more to the story but I don't want to bore you all if you don't think I belong on this board.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 2:20pm
hi justbeingme and welcome out of lurkdom!!

yes you are having an emotional A and as long as you feel connected to OM, you will continue to talk, dream and wonder about him. and you do belong right where you are here in thise board! so if you have any other questions or advice for any posters, please feel free to jump in.

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 4:36pm
Thanks for the welcome!

It is comforting to see other people go through the whole range of feelings that I have gone through.

I wish it were easier..I wish he lived closer...I wish I could end my marriage...I wish I could leave my life behind and start again.

Why is when you are young you do many things to please others??

Here's a thought...when I first contacted him(2 years ago) I asked him if he was married (no) and why not? His answer"Because I never met anybody who could compete with you"I don't know anymore...I thought I had it all fiqured out in my head and some days t takes all my self-restraint to not hop on a plane to see him......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 4:43pm
hey me -- you have the romantized version of OM up in your head. you really didn't think constantly about him until about 2 years ago with that bad dream. and then the contact via phone and email to catch up, all the while living your life with H and children. of course it's harder and harder to keep your fantasy life and real life separated. and OM can say anything because he has distance and time on his side. by that i mean that he is single and enjoying the attention, long distance, of a woman he used to know very well. he has his life and you have yours, and you both have a long-time connection from the past. unless your M is really horribly bad for you, i'd say you need to spend that time you've been fantasizing about OM on your H and your M. but if you are really really drawn to this man and cannot imagine your life without him, get ready to jump on the plane girl. because someday soon you'll do just that. unless you shut down the growing feelings you have for him.

think about all this very carefully. if you want to start over again with a man who is completely different than you remember him, as you are, then proceed, but with much caution!

good luck.

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 4:48pm
I know what you say is true...I ahve been through this before and for the most part my head and heart believe each other but sometimes when I am felling "sappy" I think it would be better but I know it would not...

I have more or less resigned myself to the fact that he will stay in contact until we die...I really do think of him as a friend. Like I said when I am thinking rationally I know my life is good.

But sometimes it is nice to fantasize...........