I don't know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
I don't know what to do.
11
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 4:42pm

Hi all,

I just need someone to talk to since I cannot talk about this with anyone in real life.

I have been married for 10 years and I'm currently having an affair. I will try to keep this as short as possible.

I've never felt like my husband was my soulmate. I had serious doubts marrying him. I knew he was selfish and that we weren't all that compatible, but I hoped he would change. I thought he was handsome and we had similar goals in life. Things have been hard. He is a hunter and it is a huge priority for him. The hunting season is very hard for us. He would like to hunt at least 2 trips/year, 1 day on the weekend, and take several days of vacation time. He hunts almost everything.

He has been emotionally abusive to me. Calling me terrible things...yelling at me through locked doors when I try to escape and so forth. He has recently even been a little borderline sexually abusive. Basically just took advantage of me and did something I have told him repeatedly that I didn't want to do and two weeks later he did it anyway. We have had a lot of issues. He gets upset with me very easily. He doesn't ever seem happy with me. But, he says he loves me and that I'm his soulmate.

I have known my manager at work for 3 years. We probably started flirting 2 years ago. It crossed the line about 6 months ago. We have kissed and hugged, but not had sex because that isn't a step I want to take and he completely understands. My husband found out about him about 2 months ago and forgave me basically because he realized that our relationship was pretty bad. I have been doing well with no more lunches, kisses, and hugs since this time. But, I do feel that I love my manager and he loves me. He thinks I am this amazing, smart, funny, sexy person. He has never gotten upset with me. He says we are soulmates. He is willing to look for another job and to divorce his wife to be with me. He said if I decided today to leave my husband he would leave in a heartbeat. He says that he wants me to take time to see if I can work things out with my husband and he will wait for me. We still talk a lot. We have an amazing connection and can talk forever.

My husband is trying to be better. We have been going to a counselor for 2 months. I think he is really trying, but he still messes up a lot. He gets mad at me at least twice a week, although doesn't yell. This sexual thing happened during this time also. I feel like he is very often annoyed with me although he doesn't really tell me until we go to the counselor and then it is pretty much time for him to complain. I feel like I should stay with him, but I don't feel happy; I feel sad.

My manager just told (2 days ago) his wife that he is in love with someone else.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2008
Fri, 01-30-2009 - 9:51pm

Pages