I dont know what he is thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
I dont know what he is thinking
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 12:11am
Hey everyone, well if noone got the chance to read my post, i'll update you. I am a MW seeing a MM for a little over a year now, just two weeks ago we were just chatting on the computer and i just made the comment "I think the hardest thing right now is knowing that i am in love with you but i'll never be with you the way i want to be" and "knowing that you dont feel this just yet" his reply was "maybe" and i asked him maybe???, he said "i do" and i was like "u do what"? That's when those three little words popped on the screen I Love you i was shocked, i had the sick to your stomach feeling b/c i have waited along time to hear tha from him, I asked him "what is it about me that keeps you hanging on to the relationship" his reply "Faith" i was like "faith for what" and he said "for happiness one day" that literally broke my heart, i knew he was unhappy but i didnt know that it was really that bad. After that conversation i was on cloud nine and nothing could get me down, well here it has been 2 weeks since we had the conversation and i have called him and no answer. I know he just didnt say the words to make me feel better b/c he's not like that b/c in the beginning i told him after 9mths that i was in love with him and he said at the time he didnt feel that way yet, well now here it is out in the open at least between us but now he is doing the distance, ignoring thing again, i know he stays busy with work and all and i support that but i also know he does have access to a computer to just say hey and he wont do that. I am upset and very frustrated my his actions and i feel if he really didnt mean he loves me than he shouldnt have said anything if he cant stand up and show action with his words, Am i just being selfish, should i just give him time to get use to knowing that we have both fell hard for each other. I stay up crying most nites b/c there's times i dont understand what he's thinking and then i get all emotional. I love this man and i dont wont to let this go, but i know i cant be put on the back burner til he decides he's ready to take this further. I dont see how we are going to grow together if we never see each other. I just need someone's advice b/c i am really patient but it's gotten to the point now that i am tired of trying to keep this relationship afloat. Like i said i dont wont leaving him to be a option but what do i say to him about the distance part of our relationship, he knows we need to see each other more he has told me that several times but im the one who makes the time for him so why cant he do the same for me. I look forward to hearing everyone's replies, thanks for listening, i feel a little better.