I don't know whats wrong w/me...
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| Wed, 09-17-2003 - 8:21am |
Have been emailing, calling and text messengering with son of my DH's mom's husband, guess thats step bro to my DH, but they just met 4 years ago ( when we met) and we hadn't seen eachother for 4 years until 3 weeks, ago at Dh's brother's wedding. Problem is of course, OM is married with two young daughters, and no intention to leave them. When we get to talk its always about us, how things felt so natural from the beginning and i mean 4 years ago, and how they are still flowing. But monday i flipped out. I hadn't heard from OM all day, over a day, and usually get one or two text msgs a day.
I just wrote him a long mail about not wanting to feel used and like a housewife, i can use my own DH for that etc.. and that i felt he was pulling away etc..
A few hours later got a mail, a page mail from him, saying he really didn't expect me to fly off the handles like that, and that I am all he thinks about its hard to do much else, but he has a busy job and this family and was sorry to make promises to me he couldn't keep(´like emailing photos etc..)
I called him, we talked, but the first 5 min, were just silence. It was really emotional actually, i was tearing up and he sounded really concerned, and we just kept saying, miss you, miss you.. and i don't know what to say .. etc.. it was so sad cause at that moment i actually felt that it would be sad if it all ended. all little 2 weeks into it, it still was something missing.. hard to explain but he felt it.
i just get soo edgy if i don't hear from him. I wish i could make it stop, but today no mail all day, then i text him and an hour later i get a crappy short text. Hello... i really hate wasting my time. i don't want to get hurt either and most importantly don't want to hurt anyone, but i am hurting today. i keep thinking this is going to be a big waste, but i can't deny there was something.
truth is he lives a 3hr flight away, and i a dying to see him again, but dh and i are having problems, its been a tough year and things don't look like they are getting any easier, so its all up in the air.. needed to vent, thanks for reading, those of you who do.. :-)

and you sound very upset and emotional -- first you need to calm down about the communications. if he doesn't get back to you right away (or within whatever timeperiod), don't jump to some drastic conclusion. the more likely explanation is that he's busy with work, family, life.....
if you feel like you're wasting your time, then this R should stop right now. think about it. you are edgy, frustrated and upset and he's pulling away because of your demands. is that how you want this R to work??
i feel like you're taking your emotions about the marital problems you referred to out on your MM. can you try to resolve the problems/issues with your M? maybe taking control of that one area of your life will provide you with some answers to how you should proceed with the EMA.
whatever you decide, stay in touch with the board.
gurl
Firstly... I think you need to take ten deep breathes and just stay calm :) I can in many ways relate to how you feel... I know that when MM and I first got together... I couldn't get enough of him... I wanted more emails, more phone calls, more of everything... I soon learnt to call this my 'infatuation' stage. Someone paid attention to me... and of course I wanted more.
But I've come to realise... that while I may be a special someone in MM's life... I know that I'm not the first in line. He has a wife, children, family, work, etc... and all of those take up time in his life. While... sure... It would be nice if he were to call me everyday or email be every hour... but I don't expect it.
Most of our communication is through the day... I may be a SAHM and study part time... but he has a full on full-time job and I can not expect him to put that aside to be at my beck and call.
What I have found... by understanding and be patient... that he has come around... once apon a time... if he was busy or unavailable... my emails would remain unanswered and this would frustrate the hell out of me... but finally I realised he's a busy man... and I simply told him that and did not expect him to jump when he was busy. So... look 2 years ahead to now... I sent email this morning... I now get a very quick one that says... hi, I'm busy, got a meeting and basically will get back to you when I can. Sure... it's not a sweet love letter or anything... but I know that he's thought of me to send it. These days he will also text me on my mobile when he hasn't made it to work... or even call if it's a day that his wife is not home... just to touch base and let me know that he hasn't forgotten me.
I can tell you... it's not easy... and I can't say that all men are the same... but a little patience and understand can go a very long way. It will also bring peace of mind to you.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
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