I don't know where I belong.....
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I don't know where I belong.....
| Thu, 05-27-2010 - 4:37pm |
I can't post on EAS for help because my (x?) AP and I are still in contact -albeit VERY limited. But I don't really think we are still having an affair either, so maybe here isn't the best board either...but I need some advice.
I miss my 'friend' terribly. We started an A last year at this time, it became physical after 2 months of daily contact. We both developed feelings for each other, but he stated from the beginning he was never going to leave his marriage,

Hi Live,
I'm just curious to know if he's trying to start a family with his W, then why have or continue an A with you. Clearly you know he has no plans of leaving her as he stated to you before but when children are in the picture it makes things that more difficult. I think you've done great with NC and keeping tabs every 6 weeks should be eliminated as well if you want to forget him completely. You know you both have no future together because he wants to be with is wife, he wants to have a family with her. So much hurt comes out of this and I wish I were strong like you and have NC with my AP but I'm just not ready. I keep reading on these boards about D day and it terrifies me. So much so that each day I feel I'm getting closer to leaving him alone and living my real life. I have a lot of soul searching and work to do but I think you should not continue the A and have NC with him ever again.
Hope I'm not coming off as judegemental I just wish I were able to not see him anymore like you have. I have so much to work on and I wish you all the best on what ever you decide.
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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I know you are right, Rayne. I don't know why I can't seem to just let him go for good. He doesn't seem to want to end it for good either, but it is much easier for him to keep it at this level than it is for me. Do I want to forget about him completely? I don't know about that. And yes - a DDay would be horrific...he would really hate me if that ever happened, because my husband would go crazy and make his and my life hell. So this seems like it should be a no-brainer, right? Go complete NC and move on already...I just hate the thought of not having him in my life at all.
Thanks for your reply. I know what I should do....but doing it is so hard.
LFT
All I can say, Let him go. I know how hard that can be.I broke up with my ex-ap over six months ago. (different reasons) However, I do think of him sometimes and wish him well. I remember a time that I could not picture my life with out him. Wow, was I wrong. Life continue and I know that was for the best.