I ENDED IT

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
I ENDED IT
53
Thu, 03-19-2009 - 10:46am

Hey kind folks,


A few of you may know my story here but here is an update. I ended my A of 11 months with my married AP. I told her that i could no longer look my wife in the eye and lie to her. I love my AP but this will have to be picked up at some other time. That time will be when I am divorced. She didnt take it very well. We have discussed it several times before. Like pulling teeth. We were also growing apart due to distance. She never felt guilty about cheating on her husband and family. That bothered me. If once she would have said to me, this is wrong I understand that you don't want to cheat on your wife and I shouldn't do this to my husband I may have wanted to keep some contact with her. She had many chances and never said that. We may remain in Limited contact but I expect her to go look for her Prince Charming that she just has to have now that she turned 40. I can't live my life for her anymore.


I don't judge those here currently in A's because I did it myself. I just can't do it anymore. Can't say I feel all that great today. In A's for me it is lose, lose, lose. I hurt my wife, lose. I now hurt my AP, lose. I lied to myself, lose. So for those looking to start and A, I would reccommend not. Not all A's are bad but most end badly.


I know there are others here on this board who may be on the other end of this situation. I don't expect a pat on the back. I can only say that I need to be true to myself and can't go on hating myself every day. I don't feel all that great today but I hope in a week or two I will start to feel better.


Thanks to all on this board who offered their support.


Adm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
In reply to: amexdm
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 8:58pm
It least some one ele sees his feelings towards her. I dont understand if you love some one, then throw them away with no feeling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: amexdm
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 11:49pm

I don't agree that


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 12:10am
Its the deragatory comments that i think are pretty horrible. The vclockk comment, fatal attraction. Even if a relationship ends, one doees not speak in such a manner of someone they say they love. Jmo these black berries you make so many typeos. Sorry for them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 12:43am
Again, I agree with you goddess... it's not a matter of him ending the affair, it's the comments and tone that rubs me the wrong way.
maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 2:02am

I wonder about those blackberries.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 4:31am
The keys are very small. Either chubby fingers, or medium length nails.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 8:35am

I understand what you're saying Amex.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 2:04pm

Amex,

You are at a place where people in A's should be. Realizing the selfishness of having an A and not fooling yourselves and people around you in pretending to just be friends but jump in the sack when opportunity arise. You're doing what a dignified person should. If you're AP is not in that same page with you, then it's something she has to learn and realized herself. We're happy that at least one of you has seen the light.

I think the people that are making a big hoopla about your stance here are the ones who have the same mentality like your exAP. No conscience or guilt and to hell who got hurt is how they think....(even though they make it sound like it's the way you're talking about her that offends them. I really, really doubt it). Truth hurts people and Amex is just describing it like he sees it. JMHO!

BTW? I don't think you threw her or are being ""DEROGATORY" (is the correct spelling people, has nothing to do with the blackberry 'cause i have one of those too).

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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 3:02pm
wow... you have a lot of nerve to make assumptions on what other people are feeling about their own affair or situation.
maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 4:01pm
i'm only going to make a one small response to you in regards to the black berries. the keys are very small and easy to make mistakes. it's also a shame how you carry around such narrow mindness. maybe you would have less anger in your heart if would learn to tolerate and love a little. nothing more is worth saying.