I ENDED IT

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
I ENDED IT
53
Thu, 03-19-2009 - 10:46am

Hey kind folks,


A few of you may know my story here but here is an update. I ended my A of 11 months with my married AP. I told her that i could no longer look my wife in the eye and lie to her. I love my AP but this will have to be picked up at some other time. That time will be when I am divorced. She didnt take it very well. We have discussed it several times before. Like pulling teeth. We were also growing apart due to distance. She never felt guilty about cheating on her husband and family. That bothered me. If once she would have said to me, this is wrong I understand that you don't want to cheat on your wife and I shouldn't do this to my husband I may have wanted to keep some contact with her. She had many chances and never said that. We may remain in Limited contact but I expect her to go look for her Prince Charming that she just has to have now that she turned 40. I can't live my life for her anymore.


I don't judge those here currently in A's because I did it myself. I just can't do it anymore. Can't say I feel all that great today. In A's for me it is lose, lose, lose. I hurt my wife, lose. I now hurt my AP, lose. I lied to myself, lose. So for those looking to start and A, I would reccommend not. Not all A's are bad but most end badly.


I know there are others here on this board who may be on the other end of this situation. I don't expect a pat on the back. I can only say that I need to be true to myself and can't go on hating myself every day. I don't feel all that great today but I hope in a week or two I will start to feel better.


Thanks to all on this board who offered their support.


Adm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 4:02pm
don't try to say anything to her, it's no use. i learned that a long time ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 4:23pm
Thanks girl... I appreciate that.
maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 6:29pm
Ditto, thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 9:09pm

Affair Support does not mean Affair "Hey its' OK"


That is the funny thing about this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
In reply to: amexdm
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 9:25pm
There are two thoughts imo on long term affairs, if you are single with some one married, long term would be tough. Most likely you would want a rl. If you are in an affair where both parties help each other with emotions ect, i could see long term if you plan on staying married. Both parties fill whats missing. Imo its the better kind of affair. No false hopes or lies. It is what it is. No false promises.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
In reply to: amexdm
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 5:44pm
My thoughts and words are for the "wise". If it's not for you and you (general you) are not benefiting from it, then you're not my target audience. So, move on.....
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com


"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
In reply to: amexdm
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 6:21pm

Maystone,


If you're still around that is. I respect your opinion, but I don't necessarily agree with it. I would never be derogatory towards my AP. I have treated her with love and respect always. The Fatal Attraction thing was a joke. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a man/woman use the words "Fatal Attraction" about a relationship I would own this board. Not an uncommon term. Its why they have stalking laws. This would have been the second time my AP planned a trip to my town without my permission. How would you like it if your AP/bf/gf did that?


In reagrds to the 40 comment. AP married someone she no longer loves and wants to find certain things. She found some of those things in me. I had asked several times to take a break so that we could both D and start things the right way. I was advised that life is short and AP does not wish to wait and will pursue someone else. Under those circumstances I would say be my guest. Been burned by that before. Hence the cynicism. Most would feel the same.


I have tried to ends this A 3 or 4 times and each time chose not to because I didn't feel AP could handle it at that time. Meaning AP has lousy marraige, job stress, family issues, kids out of control, parents sick. I did it because i was the only one in her life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
In reply to: amexdm
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 8:16pm

Adm,


I'm still here.

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: amexdm
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 9:22pm

I have to butt in here to comment on hopefull's post.


I know people disagree on what "support" means but comparing this board to a alcoholics or abusive support group is different, imo.


People in those groups are seeking a way OUT of their abusive relationships or from drinking.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
In reply to: amexdm
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 11:23am

Lost,


I hear what you are saying but I actually know people in abusive relationships that go to meeting regarding them and NO, they do not want OUT of their relationship.