I ENDED IT

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
I ENDED IT
53
Thu, 03-19-2009 - 10:46am

Hey kind folks,


A few of you may know my story here but here is an update. I ended my A of 11 months with my married AP. I told her that i could no longer look my wife in the eye and lie to her. I love my AP but this will have to be picked up at some other time. That time will be when I am divorced. She didnt take it very well. We have discussed it several times before. Like pulling teeth. We were also growing apart due to distance. She never felt guilty about cheating on her husband and family. That bothered me. If once she would have said to me, this is wrong I understand that you don't want to cheat on your wife and I shouldn't do this to my husband I may have wanted to keep some contact with her. She had many chances and never said that. We may remain in Limited contact but I expect her to go look for her Prince Charming that she just has to have now that she turned 40. I can't live my life for her anymore.


I don't judge those here currently in A's because I did it myself. I just can't do it anymore. Can't say I feel all that great today. In A's for me it is lose, lose, lose. I hurt my wife, lose. I now hurt my AP, lose. I lied to myself, lose. So for those looking to start and A, I would reccommend not. Not all A's are bad but most end badly.


I know there are others here on this board who may be on the other end of this situation. I don't expect a pat on the back. I can only say that I need to be true to myself and can't go on hating myself every day. I don't feel all that great today but I hope in a week or two I will start to feel better.


Thanks to all on this board who offered their support.


Adm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
In reply to: amexdm
Wed, 03-25-2009 - 2:35pm

Ms Maystone. Hello. I feel no remorse or guilt for anything I have done or will continue to do. I love my lover. If you want recipes for sneaking around...I have them.... if you want a shoulder to lean on.... here take mine.... I never bought into the idea that we are all bad - or all guilty or all anything - the universe is constantly unfolding.

There is an idea about judgement and free will - well let them have their cake - I have mine and she is gorgeous..... well the board is what it is........ as my friends say..... and I am what I am..... "to thine ownself be true" I have yet to find anyone - on earth that could smack me down or set me straight - I am an Alpha Male a leader of the pack.

I will support you and your desire to have a lover have an affair - to feel good about it - and feel good about yourself........... WJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2007
In reply to: amexdm
Wed, 03-25-2009 - 4:10pm

I have noticed something during my time spent lurking on this board. Many women here post requests to hear a male point of view, yet when they do get a man on here saying anything besides 'my AP hung the moon and stars and my W isn't as great in comparison' they get all up in arms. If you want a male point of view, you have to be willing to take all forms. It seems the same people who are quick to post 'thank you for bringing a male voice to this board' when reading a sappy, head over heels with my mistress post are the first ones to complain when a man says 'hey, I actually love my W and the AP is just an addition to my life.'


You can't have it both ways. Either you want to hear a male voice, no matter what he may say, or you don't. But calling every guy who doesn't beam about his AP names is just wrong. Some MM love their AP. Some don't. Stop projecting and let the guys tell their stories. Just because one MM may be over his AP or not exactly gaga for her doesn't reflect on your A or MM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2006
In reply to: amexdm
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 10:27am

Sorry to jump in here so late, but though I'm not currently in an A, I don't disparage people for having one. In fact, if the situation presented itself, I would likely strike up another A.

For me, I used to justify having As by telling myself that I was just out getting what my xW wouldn't give me. At times I was indeed wracked with guilt over what I did.

Between Ms I did a lot of introspection, and now realize that I just needed to settle my conscience... and I've come to terms with what I did, and now understand that it's an entirely personal decision.

Many people here say that they never would engage in another A again, but I've seen it time and time again, what "they" say is true... "once a cheater, always a cheater." I've known a lot of people who have had As, and the vast majority of them have had more than one.

I try not to judge, and didn't when I was here before, either. Just offering support. :)

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