I feel glad, sad and bad
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I feel glad, sad and bad
| Thu, 09-18-2003 - 7:01am |
Hey,
After not being able to see my MM for 2 1/2 months, he called me Friday to tell that he was coming back to the states and could I come and stay with him. I am on cloud 9!!!!!!!
So, I started planning a way to get to see him. Since we have been found out, everything has to be thought out even more carefully. I tell H that I want to go visit best friend in another state. He goes through the roof. Saying that he doesn't even know if we are still going to be married in 3 months and now I want to take separate vacations. We went back and forth for a while. He said how do I know that you are not going to see MM. I said that you don't but MM is not in the states, so on and so on.
So here is the problem.....
The glad part is I am going to see MM no matter what. I have missed him so much I have hardly been able to stand it. I know he feels the same way. He is so excited about us being together. I think it will be really good for our relationship because even though we love each other, being apart like this has been soooooo hard. Talking, emailing, letters etc, is not the same as being together. Also, I think it will be especially good for him since he is so busy with new job, travel etc, to get a dose of Dee to remind him of why we are doing this.
Now the sad part.
It makes me sad that H is so upset. I don't want to hurt him anymore but I am not in a position to tell him I want to leave yet so I have to keep up this lie.
I feel bad because I know if we (MM and me) get caught that that will be it for H and me. I know that if all goes as planned it will be over by June anyway but I admit to being selfish and wanted things to stay calm for now.
But again, I will not waste the chance to see MM when it is so much easier to see him in the states than for me to travel to Europe and try to cover that up.
After not being able to see my MM for 2 1/2 months, he called me Friday to tell that he was coming back to the states and could I come and stay with him. I am on cloud 9!!!!!!!
So, I started planning a way to get to see him. Since we have been found out, everything has to be thought out even more carefully. I tell H that I want to go visit best friend in another state. He goes through the roof. Saying that he doesn't even know if we are still going to be married in 3 months and now I want to take separate vacations. We went back and forth for a while. He said how do I know that you are not going to see MM. I said that you don't but MM is not in the states, so on and so on.
So here is the problem.....
The glad part is I am going to see MM no matter what. I have missed him so much I have hardly been able to stand it. I know he feels the same way. He is so excited about us being together. I think it will be really good for our relationship because even though we love each other, being apart like this has been soooooo hard. Talking, emailing, letters etc, is not the same as being together. Also, I think it will be especially good for him since he is so busy with new job, travel etc, to get a dose of Dee to remind him of why we are doing this.
Now the sad part.
It makes me sad that H is so upset. I don't want to hurt him anymore but I am not in a position to tell him I want to leave yet so I have to keep up this lie.
I feel bad because I know if we (MM and me) get caught that that will be it for H and me. I know that if all goes as planned it will be over by June anyway but I admit to being selfish and wanted things to stay calm for now.
But again, I will not waste the chance to see MM when it is so much easier to see him in the states than for me to travel to Europe and try to cover that up.
Any comments?
Thanks,
Dee

You may look back on this and regret it immensely.
After everything is said and done, you only have your character left.
Sneaking off and lying to your husband to sleep with another man may not be all that it is cracked up to be.
Why not postpone the meeting until you and your husband have separated, if in fact that is what will happen anyway?
All I mean is no one likes to be played for a fool. Not you, not me. That is what you are playing your husband for. He already suspects something. If you do this, he will most likely be on to it and you can expect a divorce court and all your friends to hear all about it.
I would tread lightly.