I feel so close to him
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I feel so close to him
| Fri, 04-30-2004 - 3:13pm |
I am new here and have found this board very helpful. My H and I have been married for thirteen years and have three children but we went thru an on and off again seperation for four years because of his cheating. We have been back together for about a year and I think he has been faithful. Truth be told I am wondering if I still love this man. During the time we were seperated I became very close to his brother. We had always been close from the first day we met but we became even closer. He really stepped up and he took care of us when my H was acting like a jerk. He used to tell me that my H was crazy and he never would understand how he could leave us. We can talk about anything and feel comfortable about it. I have never felt that way about my H. During that time we did have a brief affair because we both thought my marriage was over. I thought I was going to leave my H for good. But obviouly I didn't. His B and I never speak of it, we had always pretended it just did't happen, but lately I have really started thinking about him. He came over this weekend and he appoached me again. I knew I should have stopped him but I really feel for this man. I kissed him. It feels so good to be around him and when he leaves I feel lonely even with my H right next to me. My H and I have been fighting about the smallest things lately and I know it is partially my fault, I wonder if I am looking for excuses to fight with him. I don't know what to do, I know what I should do but I don't think I can. I don't even know how his bro feels about me. He has a girlfriend right now. He is coming over this weekend again to hang out. I feel happy about it but it also scares me at the same time because I know that I need to put a stop too this. I feel like I will be losing my best friend. I know that we can never be together because of the family but I cannot continue to go on like this. It is driving me crazy. I cannot speak of this to anybody, it is a secret that I can never reveal to anyone and has to be kept inside. It at least feels a little better to at least have been able to post on this board. I have kept it inside for far too long.
